Intimacy: Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother...

By UGH - 31/08/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 132

You deserved it 2 924

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Tubular Bells starts playing…

By so scared - 08/02/2014 17:13 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 689

You deserved it 6 206

By Poordaughter5 - 06/07/2016 17:21 - Germany

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 205

You deserved it 791

Nightmare mother

By scared shirtless - 18/03/2021 20:01

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 226

By lm - 20/05/2009 20:49 - Ireland

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 691

You deserved it 3 991

Let's get loud

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 07:36 - Reserved

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 711

You deserved it 32 180

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 260

You deserved it 3 323

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 20:03

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 06/06/2013 18:47 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 372

You deserved it 3 881

Gentle

By Ash_The_Unicorn - 20/08/2020 14:05

Today, after losing my father a little over 6 months ago, and finally feeling comfortable talking to my fiancé (who lives with me and my family) about it, my mother forced her way into the room and started yelling at me for crying. Her excuse, "It’s after your bedtime." I’m 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 480

By slightlyworried - 05/04/2013 05:28 - United States - Parker

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 140

You deserved it 3 334

Dynoblaze 1

Tuesday 1 September 2009 7:53

Maybe having sex with your dad was a nightmare for her.......

Khalavaster 0

Tuesday 1 September 2009 7:46

one day you'll be one too :)

Comments

Raachhhx3 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 0:49

looks like your mom is a ******* trooper x]

coldplaylive2003 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:36

you are never old enough to hear that fyl

yourfavoritemofo 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 4:40

Holy shit, yah really, **** ur life, atleast for awhile

zpicci 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 5:21

his username perfects the FML

FuckUpXNote 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 5:31

HA HA HA!

feed_the_ducks 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 6:30

Sounds like your dad is proud of his sex skills. Poor you, the trauma you have to endure from learning this must be difficult.

TarasTrouble 0

Saturday 5 September 2009 23:59

wow i dont think your ever old enough to hear that one. ughhh

Masta_Blasta 0

Sunday 6 September 2009 15:33

aawhahahahhahahaaah ha aha ahahaa... that is awesome. :]

j_miller_ 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 4:42

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaah i love that...that's what I'm telling my kids.

lolthatsucks101 0

Sunday 13 September 2009 4:55

ahahahahaha wow took me a minute to get that one but once i did lmao!! ahahahahahahahahahaha

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, an absolute cretin of a lorry driver ran into the back of me as I was slowing down for an orange light about to go red. My car is totalled and he had the nerve to tell the police I had brake checked him on purpose, probably for an insurance scam, and that it was all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 63

Today, my girlfriend will only have sex when she's on her period, because it's the only time she gets horny. She also gets body acne, bloating, and utterly foul BO and gas. The sex is so unpleasant, I'm starting to wish she just got cranky and emotional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 211

The Top

Today, I went out to where I'd parked my bike only to find that someone had stolen my bike seat. Not the bike, just the seat. I had to ride my bike two miles home in the rain like I was climbing a hill in the Tour de France, while other cyclists moved out of my way in confusion, all while trying to avoid me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 82

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 093

You deserved it 80 369

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 795

You deserved it 2 827

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 131

You deserved it 28 804

Today, my four-year-old daughter believes that all women will automatically become pregnant at some point during their lives. At least we don’t have to save for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 1 431

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 164

You deserved it 21 726