Kids: Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was...

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 247

You deserved it 7 769

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 523

You deserved it 2 767

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 381

You deserved it 4 861

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 342

You deserved it 3 612

By 3722145 - 31/01/2015 00:51 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 466

You deserved it 6 898

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 387

You deserved it 3 651

By Kelly - 02/10/2011 04:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 201

You deserved it 38 233

By milf - 06/08/2012 01:10 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 199

You deserved it 5 248

Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?

By Joel Lee Burgess - 15/02/2021 22:59 - United States

Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 365

Where did you get that from?

By So much wrong - 28/08/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 871

You deserved it 19 273

AustinDenton 22

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:07

I wonder where he learned that

Welshite 39

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:26

#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.

Comments

Squtchy 11

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:13

Chicken? :D

tournamentdecide 33

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:51

Rooster...

Squtchy 11

Friday 1 August 2014 19:35

You got me. V.V

lazyslumber 18

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:13

It could b the poultry ****. B positive :)

l_ 19

Friday 1 August 2014 0:09

So you spelled out every other word fine, but "be" was too much effort? Really?

iLike2Teabag 27

Friday 1 August 2014 0:44

So you understood him just fine, but still has to pick on him? Really?

lazyslumber 18

Friday 1 August 2014 6:08

It was just typed casually. Didn't know people like you would give it so much thought !!!

HammyBear13 8

Friday 1 August 2014 8:52

I don't know, but in my opinion, if you are going to type out "poultry" completely, why should you get lazy and only type "b" instead of "be?" I just don't get it.......laziness at its finest.

Miss_Moody23 19

Friday 1 August 2014 13:32

Their name is 'lazyslumber' after all...

lazyslumber 18

Friday 1 August 2014 16:47

#80. That's because if I typed a 'b' instead of a 'be' it could be understood but if I typed a 'p' instead of 'poultry' you cannot make it out. Heights of dumbness.

demonhunter3220 14

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:15

Maybe he's saying cook. XD

zandalee 19

Friday 1 August 2014 2:53

My son's first work was TRUCK! Said at the top of his voice. It's really hard for it not to sound like **** when you only have one tooth...

kendallfireHD 16

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:17

Maybe he learned it from someone.

uselessfag 18

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:17

It could just be a chicken, dirty parent.

SmoothPancakes 10

Friday 1 August 2014 2:16

A **** is a rooster, not chicken, dumbass.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Friday 1 August 2014 3:37

Roosters are chickens. They're just not hens.

HammyBear13 8

Friday 1 August 2014 8:54

45, you are a special kind of stupid. Chicken is the species, rooster and hen are the gender names. Please, it's like elementary school knowledge. My two year old son even knows that.