Pregnancy and Kids: Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 21:57 - Egypt

Spicy

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 142

You deserved it 7 777

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Same thing different taste

By Erica - 09/12/2018 13:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year-old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose "to prove that she’s responsible." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 527

You deserved it 698

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 05:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 081

You deserved it 12 236

Three is a magic number

By Jenny - 05/04/2020 23:00

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 498

By fucked by sex ed - 29/03/2013 17:18 - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 878

You deserved it 17 014

By younggrammy - 20/08/2009 20:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 230

You deserved it 45 498

Great plan, kiddo

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 16:00

Spicy

Today, my daughter confessed to me she is pregnant from a guy she had a three-minute hook up with in an alley with, but I shouldn’t worry because she’ll make plenty of money from her OnlyFans, since lots of guys like pregnancy porn, Plus it gives her a real good reason to quit smoking. I'm gobsmacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 382

The state of sex ed…

By UnhappyGrandmama - 22/09/2022 23:00

Spicy

Today, my 17 year-old daughter texted me, “Mom I’m pregnat” Yes, exactly how you see it spelled. She’s a senior in high school. Oh, and she doesn’t know who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 430

By SadMother - 04/10/2014 19:52 - United States - South Windsor

Spicy

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 897

You deserved it 11 952

Sex ed

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 05:01

Today, despite warning her multiple times, my daughter has gone and got herself pregnant by an idiot who has never held a job for more than 3 months, and once confidently told me the moon landing was a conspiracy. And yes, he scarpered the second he found out she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 04/05/2016 14:15 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 774

You deserved it 2 879

Next

Top comments

meirginsburg18 10

Wednesday 18 December 2013 0:18

looks like Jesus 2

L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20

Wednesday 18 December 2013 0:22

Oops daughter

Comments

Xotoolyxo 16

Wednesday 18 December 2013 3:33

They should really start teaching sex ed in schools again

abbey728 16

Wednesday 18 December 2013 3:38

Is her name Mary?

Zebediabolical 39

Wednesday 18 December 2013 3:47

It is my understanding that a lot of people don't count anal sex when talking about virginity. And if it is unprotected leakage/runoff can cause problems.

calliet145 14

Wednesday 18 December 2013 4:08

'Tis the season...?

JoeyJaws68 18

Wednesday 18 December 2013 4:09

She's probably just uncomfortable talking about sex with you

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 18 December 2013 4:11

DNA testing will prove...unless Christ is coming back via birth...

salic77 11

Wednesday 18 December 2013 4:13

According to religious people this is possible. Love idiots.

Clay_Pidgeon 11

Wednesday 18 December 2013 4:18

only if the baby is gonna be part Mexican.

Smoxxii 17

Wednesday 18 December 2013 4:18

This takes having imaginary friends to a whole new level.

AwesomeisAustin 1

Wednesday 18 December 2013 4:22

its the Anti Christ

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 658

You deserved it 3 777

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 390

The Top

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 690

You deserved it 12 061

Today, I walked 6 miles to see my girlfriend. After 5 and a half miles, she broke up with me because I never visit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 668

You deserved it 3 953

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 2 793

Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 676

You deserved it 32 166

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 634

You deserved it 57 724

Today, I found out my roommate is literally crazy. I talked to his sister for an hour on the phone, she told me I should move out as soon as possible and to make sure I take everything I brought, because he's a thief and a liar. She was amazed I had stayed as long as I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 427

You deserved it 741