Kids: Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her...

By Anonymous - 21/07/2011 23:46 - Australia

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 975

You deserved it 15 772

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Same thing different taste

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 480

You deserved it 639

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 063

You deserved it 6 154

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 766

You deserved it 5 950

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 801

You deserved it 79 045

No refunds

By Anonymous - 18/09/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after my 4 year-old was so excited to be a big sister, hugging my belly every chance she got, counting down the days till the due date, my son was born this morning. She took one look at him and declared, “I don’t like him, leave him here, do we have to keep him?” then started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 17:44 - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 034

You deserved it 5 271

By GMD - 18/09/2012 20:20 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 284

You deserved it 7 207

Think of the environment

By Anonyname - 18/05/2014 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 904

You deserved it 10 606

Build your own

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 13:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, after my wife gave birth to another of our daughters, she announced that this was the last one. When I reminded her I still needed a son to carry on my name, she replied, "Well, you've got four girls. You want a boy? Birth him yourself!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 1 729

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 713

You deserved it 3 982

Iamnotmyself 17

Friday 22 July 2011 9:25

Beer is my child, how dare you !

jewknowit710 2

Friday 22 July 2011 9:29

time to get her a puppy I'de say!

Comments

TwinRoxas 7

Sunday 24 July 2011 8:02

Ok, on your daughter's part, thats freaking adorable! On your part, thats actually pretty sweet because you're right, she is only three.

i_eat_kandy 0

Monday 25 July 2011 3:35

HAHA that's hilarious

lockthedoor 0

Monday 25 July 2011 6:35

awahahaha. how cuutteee!

dencovlb 0

Wednesday 27 July 2011 7:10

Aaawwh

Clarice1 9

Saturday 30 July 2011 1:53

If you deserve this it's not because you have a gut but because you haven't taught your daughter the basics of human reproduction.

herpderp015 1

Sunday 31 July 2011 23:17

@105 Are you somehow retarded? Human reproduction at 3 years old? At that age kids are innocent.. and would be early to teach them of how.

BeanieBGone 6

Monday 1 August 2011 19:04

Being that you're in Australia, couldn't you say you're having a "Foster" child? *har har*

tookietookie123 5

Tuesday 2 August 2011 21:22

At least you can have "food babies"

tookietookie123 5

Tuesday 2 August 2011 21:24

At least you can have "food babies"

sugar42 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 21:07

adopt a baby and make her happy?

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I agree, your life sucks 15

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Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

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Today, after I got a cat to help with my anxiety, it turns out he also has anxiety. FML

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Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

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Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 405

You deserved it 5 534

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship, after he told me he loved me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 423

You deserved it 3 146

Today, I went to turn in a coding project a few days early. After months of working on a code and saving backups, everything is gone or corrupted. I have to start from square one and turn it in less than 48 hours from now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 151

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

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You deserved it 1 013