Let us know how the divorce goes in 10 years.

Yeah...that's what a 19 yo would say. Seriously, can't wait to graduate from college? Live a little first

keep telling yourself that, darkmis... age has a lot to do with it. even google will tell you that, the divorce rate is much higher for people that marry too young because you haven't fully grown up yet. you haven't had enough life experiences to know what you really want out of life. and if you truly love each other what's the rush?

Aww.. isn't that just precious.. The kid thinks they are grown ups. Listen, I know you think that you know your own mind and everything else in the world.. but once you and your fiancée can no longer behind school and have to actually go out into the real world.. with real world pressures you might not be singing the same tune. Some of the problems with getting engaged and married at such an age is that in 9 years time when your husband approaches 30 he may start thinking about what he missed out on... what he could have had and all the women he could have slept with in college instead of being engaged to you he might want out. Or perhaps the same might go for you... In 10 years time your husband is less attentive.. less touchy feely, has let himself go and does little things like leaving the toilet seat up then you might have had enough, or just find more comfort in the company of a younger, sexier man, then you too may want out. Don't pretend you know what the future holds. Just saying.

Jimboom, take your own advice and dint assume you know what the future holds. She has more right to assume what her own future holds than you do. My mom was 18 and my dad 22 when they got married 21 years ago and they are still madly in love. yes, it does sometimes end badly, but not always, so seriously, STFU.

@54. I'm assuming you know how to read since you can type. Did you read anywhere in Jims post where he says he knows what life holds in store for him? I don't think so, so you STFU and go back to sewing soccer balls or something.

If I hear one more teenager whine "but I loooooooooooooveeeeeeeeeeeeeee him so we will get married" I will punch them. Look, there is far more to marriage than just love. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to you. If you're really sure about getting married then I hope you have discussed the following: Have we finished school? Do we have jobs/a steady income? Where will we live? Are we financially independent? Do we share the same religious values? Do we agree on having/not having children? How many? How will we raise them/are we on the same page of how to be a parent? Will we have joint/separate/both bank accounts? Will we have joint/separate/both joint credit cards? Are either of us in any debt? Is there any way to pay some off before the marriage? Do either of us have bad credit? Any credit? Will we have health care/insurance benefits? Do we have any exorbitant spending habits? Pets? Allergies? There are more, but this is a BASIC starting point. I know a girl who wanted to get married at 18 and I mentioned some of these to her. The response I got: "Kids?? I'm only 18! I don't know that stuff, I just love him." It was set up to be a fail from the start. OP: I'm impressed you lasted 10 years

congrats on the engagement, I think it's great! love is love, there shouldn't be standards.

@DreamerofWorlds: There's a reason why stories like your mom and dad's stand out... they almost never happen that way

Tiffanyheart, those questions are key and definitely something someone should know before getting married. Those are ridiculously important!

@45 I can't agree more but however.... He could have talked about it with her instead of getting her divorce papers on her birthday after valintines and her anniversary passed. Men need to be responcible and convey their feelings. life doesn't have a eject button.

tiffanyheart, i like you a lot.

@fauxindigo: but what's the rush?! Why can't you wait and figure things out BEFORE getting married just like tiffanyheart says? When I was 19 I was SURE that I wanted to marry my boyfriend, I would have done it in a SECOND had he asked. We lasted 8 years and I ended up finding out some stuff that SHOCKED me about him, and I am soooo glad that we didn't get married at that age. Looking back on it I realize that I was still a CHILD, even though I thought I was completely mature and knew everything. Thank GOD he never proposed at that age...

It seems tiffanyheart (#60) hit a foundational principal of marriage planning. While you may not have everything worked out and all the questions tiffanyheart mentioned answered fully (and there are a LOT more questions to be asked and discussed), it is good to start with questions like these to make yourself prepared when the times comes to finally tie the knot. If you have no idea the answer to the majority of these questions, perhaps you should hold off on this decision until you can. It amazes me how delusional some younger folks are about the concept of marriage. I believe there was a show on either MTV or VH1 about these 16 and 17-year old minors getting married because they claim to "love" each other. Sure, there may be an attraction and you may have spent a lot of time together, but marriage is meant to be a commitment to spend your entire life (hopefully the majority of it joyful and blissful) with one person and attraction (both physical and mental) is not enough to make it through. You don't believe me? Check out the current divorce rate for the United States compared to the early to mid 1900s and tell me that marriage is still what it used to be. tl;dr - ask the tough questions before you plan on marriage; you'll save yourself many a heartache.

@66- it happens more often than people think. I have more examples, but I won't start listing them. Not all people are mature enough at that age to know what they want or talk about the questions 60 listed, but some are. I'm almost 21, my boyfriend is almost 22, and though we aren't engaged, I could still answer everyone of 60's questions and more because we do talk about that stuff. It isn't the age that matters, and not entirely love either (though that is a big part)- it's the people.

I totally thought I was going to marry all my boyfriends when I was younger. Now I don't know what I was thinking! Some (probably most) of these children that get married as soon as they are legally able think 1. They will be together forever and 2. If they do split up divorce is just like a break-up. Kids don't realize how complicated ending a relationship is when there are legally binding agreements between the two parties that now have to be negotiated. Grow-up a bit, live a little, and you will be better able to make decisions that affect you long-term.

Hey. My mom was 22 and my dad 23 when they got married in 1987. Back 20 plus years ago that wasn't too young. And I'm sure people of those ages were more mature also.

Just because we're young doesn't mean we don't know what we want. Everyone's different. Just because it doesn't work out for one person doesn't mean it won't work out for everyone. I know for a FACT we won't get divorced. Everyone already says that 1) we're made for each other, and 2) we already act like we're married. We already live together and do everything a married couple would do. And for the record, I do enjoy college.......a lot. I just started this semester, and it has been hard because I have anxiety disorder, and I'm taking all advanced classes, but I haven't let that interfere with the rest of my life. We know what we're getting into, and if we even had a little hint of doubt, we wouldn't be doing it. Like I said before: just because it doesn't work with one person, doesn't mean it won't work with everyone. Also, it's not like we're getting married now. We're going to wait till we're in our twenties. I'm not getting married at 19 like the OP.

Yes, I was told I was "made for" every one of my boyfriends. We were also told on more than one occasion that we acted like "an old married couple." Sorry, sweetheart, but people say those things. Im not saying it wont work out, just that you need to be careful. You said you couldn't wait until you graduated. That's good. It sounds like you're waiting a couple years until you're done with school. You will both do a lot of growing up in that time, and hopefully when you're ready to get married, you'll both still feel the same way.

Sure it works now and then but there is a reason that your chances of divorce almost double when you get married before 25.... if you want to be with someone forever wouldn't you want to make sure you gave yourself the best odds of making it?

I think only the first paragraph of her post was to Tiffany, the rest of it were arguments that other people brought up. Don't accuse others of not paying attention if you aren't.

I agree so much with this, and I'm in a similar situation. Someone wrote in our University's newspaper editorials saying that the divorce rate is so high because people get engaged/married at a young age. It was the only thing I ever felt compelled to reply to. I can not stand people who automatically judge other relationships, especially when those involved are around their early 20s. Everyone want to know why the divorce rate is so high? It's not because young people are so much more immature and "don't know what they want". It is because in today's society, we put less value on relationships in general. We always tell ourselves (and eachother) that there is always more fish in the sea. With this mentality, we easily move between relationships. If it aint working, people move on instead of fixing it, or at least trying. If we don't put value on relationships in general, we aren't going to put much value on marriage either. If it suddenly isn't to our liking (as in you're just bored, or cheat, or whatever) then we tell ourselves, well there's always someone else out there, let's just divorce and move on. That is a much more direct and general reason why divorces are so common today. Younger couples are not all doomed to fail. It DOESN'T have to do with age as much as it is society's mentality on the value of relationships.

Well then 185, she should have said that. Shut up.

What is it with people saying "live your life a little before marriage" and "oh these kids think they're in love" Last time I checked, 18 in the United States at least is the legal adult age. So..we're not kids, thank you very much. Also, does living life end at marriage? You people make marriage out to be this ball and chain or that it closes some door of thrilling opportunity and "life living". I think this whole "experience" and "life living" and "finding who you are" B.S. is just a cover for "try out all the people you can, especially experience other people sexually while in college, otherwise, you haven't truly lived". Gee that works out well for everyone doesn't it? Why let go of good relationships you may have if you think you have to have the experiences other people think are necessary? If something really isn't right in a relationship, then by all means, try to work it out and if it just isn't working for the both of you, then move on, yes, but don't have a dozen relationships or hook-ups just because people tell you you haven't "lived". I am in college and was engaged at 19. We are waiting a couple years to be married, but we are experiencing life right now as we will when we marry too. We have each traveled abroad (to separate countries, mind you) and had our own experiences, and we love to share a lot of our experiences too. We volunteer and have jobs and do other activities that we do that fulfill us individually and we mutually support each other in the other's activities and goals. That's what a relationship is about, and doing it for life is what marriage is about. Some people in their thirties or forties don't even get that, and yes a lot of young couples don't either. But don't pre-judge and tell me to "live a little". Maybe you should try learning what living a little means.

...

60 posted many key questions that any couple considering marriage should know. so why at the age of 19 can there not be a select few that know exactly what they want out of life. I happen to be 19 and I got married last year December. my husband is 23 and we're buying a 3 bedroom two bathroom home in a month and are looking forward to growing together. maybe this will be a learning experience for me but, what are the percentage of young married couples that do not have those key points mapped out actually make it to their 50th anniversary. and how many other individuals that are in their 30's and know exactly what they want out of a partner don't make it past the five year mark. marriage is about compromise and sometimes sacrifice and it is a lot of hard work... what is it that makes someone at the age of 19 incapable of functioning in the "real world" while being married?

I completely agree with #60 and #88. My ex and I just VERY recently ended our relationship, and we've been together since I was 17. For the entirety of our relationship, I thought that I was going to marry him. I'm 21 now, and I shake my head at how naive I was. I don't understand why young engaged couples find it so hard to wait. If you "know" that you'll be together forever, what's a few more years? If you're right, then no harm done. But if you're wrong, it's a lot easier to separate. Honestly people, wait until you're settled as a grown-up and fully know what you want in life.

Print this out and re-read it in 10 years. You'll be amazed at how little you actually knew but how much you thought you knew.

54: Thanx for supporting me 60: As a matter of fact, we HAVE discussed all of those questions, along with many others, AND we have answers to them all. Everyone else saying it's stupid: STFU! Just because you don't think if would work for you doesn't mean it won't work for me. Everyone's different, so stop acting like what works (or doesn't work) for you is the same for everybody.

Everyone is saying "wait a couple years". In case you didn't totally read my post, I said that we're going to wait until we're out of college. That's four years right there. And tiffany-here's the answer to all of your questions: Have we finished school? we will in 4 years Do we have jobs/a steady income? were getting jobs and know where we want to work Where will we live? we have our own apartment Are we financially independent? yes we are Do we share the same religious values? yes we do Do we agree on having/not having children? How many? yes, either 1 or 2 How will we raise them/are we on the same page of how to be a parent? we will raise them together and let them do their own thing to a certain extent, unless they get in trouble. we both know because i raised my little half sister, and my fiances younger brother has a son that he helps take care of Will we have joint/separate/both bank accounts? we will have joint bank accounts Will we have joint/separate/both joint credit cards? we will have seperate credit cards Are either of us in any debt? no we aren't Is there any way to pay some off before the marriage? we don't have any debt to pay off Do either of us have bad credit? Any credit? we both have good credit Will we have health care/insurance benefits? we do and we will Do we have any exorbitant spending habits? no we don't Pets? Allergies? we want to get a cat and a dog. we aren't allergic to any animals. I'm allergic to dust and pollen, and he's allergic to pollen. Anybody else have anymore questions?

I'm young, engaged and can answer your questions. My fiancee and I have been living independently for four years now and we both have jobs that create a very nice income combined. I'm a teacher, he's an engineer. For four years we have paid our way through college, paid bills, have a bit of debt that we are now paying off, and we'll be waiting another 3 years or so before having kids. Oh, and we've had the same bank account for four years now... Some young people are actually mature. More mature than some older people and better able to handle the "real world." Grow up.

You WILL get jobs and know where you WANT to work, "Aye, there's the rub". I never said DO NOT GET MARRIED YOUNG, but I'm just trying to point out that if you want a young marriage to work, you need to know these things. The fact that you jumped into defensive mode over what people on the internet said proves that you can be immature on the subject of marriage. You may find that harsh, but if you're truly ready for marriage you wouldn't get your back up and feel the need to prove things to people on FML. As for the jobs, in this economy, have you been guaranteed a job? You said you will get a job, if you don't have one how are you financially independent? As in, your parents are not a major source of your income. While it's possible to go to school with no debt, who's paying for it, you or your parents? If you, then I ask what magical source your money is coming from? I'm not asking you to be a bitch or to rain on your parade, but I urge you to look at a marriage in terms of logistics AS WELL AS love (as a sidebar I am a bit of a romantic myself so love is important!). verylsin: You're an example of cases where I believe a young marriage will work. I know what parts of your post were directed at me and congratulate you on making a mature, informed decision. Happy Valentine's Day, all!

If you're a teacher already and he's an engineer, that implies you have an undergrad and a b.ed, indicating that you are not in fact a teenager getting married. This is the demographic I am preaching to. Also as stated above, if you are that mature then you have no need to prove yourself on the internet, right?

I am just proving that there are in fact young people who are mature enough to handle marriage. Though I'm not a teenager any more, we were teenagers when we became engaged and started living together. 19 actually, the age you are discussing. We are now 22. I'm not "defending myself on the internet," I'm just answering the questions you posed in order to show you there are some young couples who are in fact prepared for and mature enough to get married. Is it immature to contradict your posting? I'm just presenting the other side of the argument. I posted on FML for the same reason you did-- I felt passionate enough about an issue to bother making a post. If you will criticize me for doing so, you'll have to criticize yourself.

Nowhere did I say: "There are no young people in existence who are mature enough to get married", I said you need to have the answers to all of these questions (and more) if you plan to commit like that. If you can answer those questions then great, no need for the condescending "Grow up." at the end of your post. I didn't say I was for or against young people getting married, I am against IGNORANT, IMMATURE young people getting married. If you felt that pertained to you then I think you should re-read my post. I directly state that if you do indeed feel you must get married, here are things that should be discussed. Got them all? Get married. Respond with "What's 'financially independent'? " and you might want to reconsider. Sorry you felt the need to take my post personally, but in reality you were aiding in proving my point. You looked at all the important questions and found answers to them and got married, like I am advising young people to do. I don't see how basically agreeing with me is providing the other side of the argument, you did what I advised another poster to do and your marriage so far is a success. I guess I simply don't see what your response to the post was proving other than to pat yourself on the back.

Uh, I agree totally with tiffany and wilshires. There are so many questions you need to ask yourself before getting married. I'm not just talking to darkmis and 193, but every young person who is engaged. If you are young and you and your partner are financially stable, that's fantastic. But, I cannot stress enough how important it is to wait. And like pogostick said, It doesn't hurt to wait! It's great if you've found your soulmate as a teenager, or a young adult. But, if you know you were meant to get married, then just freaking wait! If it works out for the two of you, then you live happily ever after like you were going to. If you break up? Guess what?! No divorce, and the separation is much easier. All of you young people saying you're getting married, Congrats. Just don't be stupid. You'll thank yourself later. I swear I met my soul mate when I was 17. We dated for five years, and when we both finished school and got jobs we planned on getting married. But, by the time my senior year came along we broke up. We just grew "out of love." No fights, no arguments, everyone thought we had the perfect relationship but as we developed into our careers we just drifted apart. How do you plan to share your life with someone when you haven't even figured out your own? Live your life first. Geesh.

Darkmis, you are clearly young and immature. Can people be mature and be married at 18 or 19? Certainly- but by reading everything you've posted here, I feel obligated to tell you that people who are mature don't need to prove themselves to strangers over the internet. There's a reason why so many people are arguing against you. You should thank them, they're trying to warn you before you step into something stupid.

My grandmother married my grandfather at 16 and they lasted until he died a few years ago, so all you dicks saying 'urgh, too young to marry, go live a little', they still can live a little, they just get to share the experience! :) Just because you disagree with it doesn't mean it's not right.

I'm sure it'll work out just fine. Just because it didn't work for the OP, doesn't mean it won't work with me. Also, I really enjoy college. It's stressing because I'm taking all advanced classes and it's only my first semester, but I'm able to do it. Also, it's not like I'm getting married at 19 like the OP-we're going to wait until we're both in our 20s. We don't have any doubt this is what we want to do. If we did, we wouldn't be doing it.

How does your ability to handle school relate to your ability to handle marriage? You keep mentioning this like it proves that you're not too young to marry. News flash: There are tons of post-secondary students who are able to manage difficult classes and a life outside of school. Especially those taking more senior courses than you since you're in your first semeseter. Doesn't mean that they think they're all ready for marriage. Stop comparing the two.

* same to "him" not "home"

Yes well this is true and all but from my experiance most of these types of marriages end after five years. He stuck around for ten. Not to say a man can't be happy. But he did it at a very bad time. Valintines and her birthday. Which is why I say take your half and make for Bora Bora ;)

Who's plain stupid? Age 18 isn't an adult yet? It was last time I checked. If it was soo unbearable to wait even a few weeks to mention divorce, which he didn't do, he handed her the papers already, not discussing it at all, he was clearly all about divorce for quite some time before this, then I think he could have been a living a little unbearably a little longer. Nope, he had to spread and emphasize the miserableness. Which is an asshole thing to do. Clearly someone doesn't think.

I don't know. Where's the vote button?