Intimacy and Health: Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put...

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 913

You deserved it 518

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Same thing different taste

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 643

You deserved it 6 606

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 6 869

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 691

You deserved it 12 063

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 020

You deserved it 67 205

Prank gone wrong

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 18:00

Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 253

Skin deep

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 108

You deserved it 36 950

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 590

You deserved it 629

Scoville scale

By firefire - 30/07/2020 08:01

Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 307

Better call Saul

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 00:02

Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 193

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 404

You deserved it 43 610

riley873 21

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:06

Give that fool ass a habanero handjob. To say 'thank you'.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:12

You ****** the paramedic?!?! That’s some swift and savage revenge!

Comments

Spiritbird 17

Thursday 14 June 2018 8:41

Paramedic you sick *****! You hide in people's bedroom and stimulate yourselves watching them having sex accidents.

PhoenixChick 26

Thursday 14 June 2018 22:35

favorite new term for children, right there. Also, you misspelled "sexidents"

PhoenixChick 26

Thursday 14 June 2018 22:36

favorite new term for children, right there. Also, you misspelled "sexidents"

Davros 12

Thursday 14 June 2018 10:39

I hope you remembered the safe-word

chichichimcgee 1

Thursday 14 June 2018 21:29

nice pfp

Lillysar91 20

Thursday 14 June 2018 11:49

What the actual ****?! Hot sauce to make you ******? Where did he get that from?!

WeirdUS 29

Thursday 14 June 2018 19:25

They do have lube that creates a warming sensation. I'm guessing he thought it'd be a cheaper way of doing the same thing. FYL Op for having a husband that stupid. Though I am surprised at the number of FML's that are submitted that involve not washing your hands after eating something spicy and are surprised when it burns.

tash901 31

Thursday 14 June 2018 12:06

I think he took the song "Your Sex is on Fire" a little too literally...

katydid91 31

Friday 15 June 2018 6:35

I think he took the song "Girl on Fire" a little too literally as well.

katydid91 31

Friday 15 June 2018 6:36

I think he took the song "Girl on Fire" a little too literally as well.

DanielleinDC 33

Thursday 14 June 2018 17:47

Your husband is an idiot. There are warming lubes that won't necessitate a visit from the EMTs.

Victoria Danielle Docherty Hogg 8

Thursday 14 June 2018 20:17

i would of killed him

TyrionLannister 17

Thursday 14 June 2018 20:30

That's hotter than dragon flame!

PenguinPal3017 19

Friday 15 June 2018 2:36

Is your husband's name Drax by any chance?

weeping_willow 25

Friday 15 June 2018 5:24

Oh. My. God. I seriously hope you have a stern talking to with this man ASAP. My fiancé put pop rocks *down there* and I had to explain yeast infections to him. Good luck, OP. (Put a drop on the toilet paper before he takes a shit. Payback, ya know?)

PhoenixChick 26

Friday 15 June 2018 6:54

For ***** sake, do we really have to put "not to be used vaginally" on our hot sauce bottles now? Those bottles are small, there's no room to address all the orifices you aren't supposed to put it in.