There isn't anything wrong with you guys waiting, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years, (planning a wedding next summer) and we're waiting. It not that we don't want to have sex, it's a daily struggle not to, but we were both raised to believe that it was the right thing to do, and more than anything it's our way of saying "i love you that much". I agree with many of the posters here, she probably has a messed up idea of what sex is, or she is just really scared. You might try getting some couples counseling on it. Just be very very gentle and understanding, talk to her about it and see why she feels that way. I'm sure you'll work through it.

It's really unfair for all of you who say that she must not love him. I definitely agree that she probably is just scared and has a poor idea of what sex is. Or maybe she knows exactly what the first time will feel like, and is too scared of that much pain. Please just be patient with her, give her some time to get used to the idea. She has probably been nervous about this for a long time, and she just didn't know how to tell you. The two of you should just sit down and talk about this and how you can finally do it without her being in too much pain or being too scared.

And this is why you don't wait for marriage. People try and advocate it all the time, but why? So your first night as a couple can be awkward, painful, or worse? Sexual compatibility is a HUGE part of being married, whether you want to admit it or not. What if all you people saying to wait until marriage get married to someone who you hate to have sex with? What then? Will you just suck it up for the next 60 years? Or just divorce him and marry someone else until you find someone that you enjoy having sex with? Although the "test drive" analogy is pretty stupid, you really should have had sex before marriage. Or at the very least TALK about it. It sounds very much like you didn't even talk about it at all, which is beyond stupid.

Also, #23, you're awesome. That was the perfect answer. Vertigo254, you're great.

well i'm of the ones who would like to stay virgin till marriage, so.. it's great that you were patient, also give her time, sometimes its all about the confidence with ourselves (being naked and that kind of stuff)

YDI so much. It's simply foolish and unnatural

She was probably simply scared. The prospect of having someone stab you repeatedly in one of the most sensitive parts of your body with a stick-like protuberance, whilst probably lying on top of you, is not something that is inherently attractive. Add this to the emotional confusion concerning sex that she is probably subject to, resulting from her sociocultural environment as she was growing up, or otherwise, and this response is incredibly reasonable. It had nothing to do with you -- she obviously loves you, and that is the absolutely most important thing in life. Try to understand her, and the fact that you love her will be quite clearly displayed. Don't be hurt, and don't hurt her out of frustration. Things will be (more than) okay, regardless of how they appear at the moment.

YDI. Waiting until marriage.... is this 1842? You Omish or something?

totally agree w/#208 lol. danm divorce that bytch!

#208, please respect other people's decisions. It's not your place to judge.