Miscellaneous: Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really...

By ashhatches - 27/06/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 426

You deserved it 62 560

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Same thing different taste

Hi-de-hi

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 255

You deserved it 46 576

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 603

You deserved it 56 774

By alisaav - 08/08/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 267

You deserved it 13 652

By pootythe5th - 30/08/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 536

You deserved it 38 668

By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 496

You deserved it 6 823

By Weak Disposition - 27/04/2012 04:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 314

You deserved it 29 619

He who controls the spice controls the universe

By Anonymous - 01/10/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I was at a food truck festival and I spotted a taco truck and eagerly ordered a spicy taco. As I took my first bite, the spice hit me like a freight train and I began to choke. In an effort to save myself, I dropped the taco into the lap of the guy sitting next to me. He looked up, lap splattered in salsa, and asked if I was having a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 523

Choked

By embarrassing - 15/07/2021 18:01

Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 162

By splitzville - 16/03/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 963

You deserved it 40 870

By fuckendog - 25/07/2014 06:05 - Australia - Virginia

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 228

You deserved it 55 787

GloriousWhorious 6

Tuesday 28 June 2011 1:01

YDI for being overly flirty.

lopez1222 3

Tuesday 28 June 2011 1:01

hahaha not cute...

Comments

otakuchica 4

Wednesday 29 June 2011 1:11

how the heck do you "bite a hot dog cutely"?

letschat6 5

Wednesday 29 June 2011 3:07

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID

johnnie254 7

Wednesday 29 June 2011 3:25

I'd rather you suck the hotdog than bite it lol

insects4u 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 3:32

a for effort

NaomiNirvana 2

Wednesday 29 June 2011 3:53

how do you eat a hotdog cutely! ? your retarded

urfukinstupid 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 6:51

Sounds like the only weiner you'll be getting

divadro102 16

Wednesday 29 June 2011 8:52

Had it been a sandwich, he'd be helping you clean up

badger93 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 10:50

how does one cutely bite a wiener?

soldierinarms 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 11:27

gagged!!

sham_roxx 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 16:23

no one looks cute eating a hotdog. get over yourself and go say hi next time.

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 3

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

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You deserved it 57

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I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 76

Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 215

You deserved it 47 249

Today, a friend from our circle group told me that my behavior of responding to her stories with another related story of mine was annoying. I'm was sorry about that and decided to introspect and not show up in our group chat for a while. Then I realized I'm a toxic person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 510

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 182

You deserved it 9 937

Today, I was washing my car, and I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 700

You deserved it 12 549

Today, I found out that I will not be allowed to scout out some public land for deer hunting this weekend. It's my only free weekend, and it's a 6 hour drive one way. I guess hunting is going to be an expensive gamble this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 729

Same thing different taste

Hi-de-hi

He who controls the spice controls the universe

Choked

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