Intimacy: Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend,...

By Anonymous - 05/08/2012 05:33 - United States - Mahwah

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 6 627

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Same thing different taste

Clean break

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 20:01

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 280

By kaylashay2k13 - 17/05/2016 14:18 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 037

You deserved it 1 106

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 457

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 010

You deserved it 27 437

By Redhead - 22/08/2018 06:00

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 557

You deserved it 948

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 944

You deserved it 9 090

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 762

You deserved it 1 184

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 227

By beerpong26 - 06/02/2009 19:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 591

You deserved it 6 885

DKjazz 20

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:54

Hold on, let me go Google "Italian Chandelier".

lex1459 38

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:52

I hope you get better soon!

Comments

Caliborn_06 11

Sunday 5 August 2012 16:29

Amateur.....

Caretaker21 4

Sunday 5 August 2012 16:36

Oh well what the smurf!

greeneye_fml 12

Sunday 5 August 2012 16:50

I love urban dictionary.

DracoSpirita 21

Sunday 5 August 2012 16:52

This happened to Schmidt on an episode of New Girl.

Cian_1 28

Sunday 5 August 2012 17:23

something similar too this happened to me once, but indeed of breaking, it started bleeding! It hurt. So, I feel your pain. :P

lazyfoo92 4

Sunday 5 August 2012 18:28

da fuq?

DanielleinDC 33

Sunday 5 August 2012 17:29

Ouch! I'm so sorry. I hope that after laughing she got you to the hospital. And scratch that off positions to try. I Googled it as well and laughed aloud that a "Christian Nympho" site came up.

natawiiex3 5

Sunday 5 August 2012 17:31

OUCH!

jwbfml 11

Sunday 5 August 2012 17:38

Smurf that.

soad2014 7

Sunday 5 August 2012 17:40

Reminds of the story of how Chuck Nice from Three Dog Night broke his little Chuck. "In short, my penis had virtually exploded." XD

beaglelover22 3

Sunday 5 August 2012 17:52

Wow... I'm slow. I was reading this and the entire time I thought it was at an Italian restaurant. I was wondering how your penis broke while eating. Shows how dirty my mind is.

BrysGirl27 14

Monday 6 August 2012 1:24

Hahahahahahah:) no you're completely right. He did break it while eating at an Indian restaurant. Everyone else on here just has a dirty mind:p haha *sarcasm*