Intimacy: Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn...

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 140

You deserved it 11 222

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 4 919

What the…

By bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 342

You deserved it 5 007

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 056

You deserved it 3 517

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 6 707

Exercise One

By blah - 02/06/2020 23:00

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 436

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 098

You deserved it 13 729

Humping

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 414

You deserved it 6 196

Not helping

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - Spain

Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 1 304

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

Doggy style

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 4 902

Xx3rdBASSxX 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:05

Was the pillow pet Horney?

MicroFuturism 1

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:05

Pfft don't be so uptight.

Comments

RayanneY 0

Monday 5 December 2011 0:03

Narwhales

Rainbowface 2

Monday 5 December 2011 8:59

It's time for bacon

RadioOctopus 16

Monday 5 December 2011 20:12

swimming in the ocean! causing a commotion! cause they are so awesome..

banman12321 6

Monday 5 December 2011 0:07

1. Ydi for having a childish boyfriend. 2. Ydi for having a pillow pet.

ohSNAPyall 26

Monday 5 December 2011 0:09

Pillow pets are serious business. >:|

TheMemaimo 8

Monday 5 December 2011 0:12

how is this an FML?

bellielovie 2

Monday 5 December 2011 0:23

Aww come on he was just having funn!!

gabemyers 0

Monday 5 December 2011 0:27

You tell him to not be child-ish, but you have a pillow pet?

waddup1661 0

Monday 5 December 2011 0:51

why do you have a pillow pet in the first place?

afulks78 11

Monday 5 December 2011 0:59

What a champ haha

hotncool 0

Monday 5 December 2011 1:04

Haha hahahaha Lmao Bwahahahaha Heeheeheehee Hardy har har Hahaha Sorry for laughing but that's fckin funny and hilerjous

illmatic2 16

Monday 5 December 2011 1:54

You need to stop and never do that again.

TheWetzel 5

Monday 5 December 2011 1:05

Well, some people do have pretty weird fetishes....

Keywords

Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Management Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 791

You deserved it 11 207

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 9 165

You deserved it 29 860

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You deserved it 575

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I agree, your life sucks 47 068

You deserved it 3 096

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 091

You deserved it 1 350

Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 502

You deserved it 5 107

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I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 228