Miscellaneous: Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad... - FML

By inalotofpain - 16/04/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 477

You deserved it 3 919

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Same thing different taste

By Niles - 20/03/2012 17:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 381

You deserved it 2 834

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 653

You deserved it 4 132

By francesa_loca - 14/10/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 2 524

Backfire

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 20:10 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 175

You deserved it 54 763

By mumblingdope - 25/05/2016 08:52 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 954

You deserved it 1 197

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 3 344

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 821

You deserved it 11 172

By CoffeeStained - 10/11/2015 15:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 409

You deserved it 10 135

By missmirror - 02/05/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold water over my head. Their reason? They were "bored". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 675

You deserved it 5 016

Bad start to the day

By Concussed - 17/01/2010 06:22 - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 732

You deserved it 6 071

Next

Top comments

RezaCookies 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 19:43

yeahh youd rather burn than be soothed by cold water huh.

Me654 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 19:41

Well shouldn't it cool you down a bit?

Comments

cookielover24 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 2:26

Dude, are you kidding me!! That's TOTALLY MLIA, not FML. Seriously, have a little fun!

fieldhocky95 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 2:47

that sucks!!!! you okay!?

rogerover 19

Sunday 17 April 2011 3:04

quick thinking Dad. SAVED from the burn!

MyScrewedUpLifeS 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 3:36

gotta love dads.

zues1 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 3:55

wat an idiot

islandcarrie 2

Sunday 17 April 2011 4:12

LAMO!

4XxXo_OxXx4 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 5:03

;D

pinkchocolatex3 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 5:07

your dads a freakin genius !!!

EllieMaxine 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 5:39

whoa you're dad's effing smart.

443mimi 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 5:43

if it was that hot how could you drink it

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The Top

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 144

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 551

You deserved it 7 856

The Top

Today, some dumbass broke one of my car's windows to steal the pack of disinfecting wipes I just bought a few hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 73

Today, my dad bought me my first car. On the way home, he crashed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 977

You deserved it 320

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 168

You deserved it 2 019

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 650

You deserved it 3 114

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 200

You deserved it 85 188

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 190

You deserved it 2 852