Sex, Injury and Intimacy: Traumatized knob - FML

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Spicy

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 006

You deserved it 4 617

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 526

You deserved it 5 891

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 949

You deserved it 10 652

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 305

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 182

You deserved it 12 413

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 045

You deserved it 18 790

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 5 317

By Cannachick - 17/07/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 463

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 569

You deserved it 32 066

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 162

You deserved it 5 569

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 466

You deserved it 9 862

Next

Top comments

1dvs_bstd 41

Wednesday 11 March 2015 10:10

Bro, did you get a handjob from freddy kruger?

lex1459 38

Wednesday 11 March 2015 10:11

How could she possibly have looked at what she was doing and gone "yeah, I bet that feels good"

Comments

vikky538 28

Wednesday 11 March 2015 12:21

talk to the hand....pun intended...

MrItalia 18

Wednesday 11 March 2015 12:24

the good ol banjo string.. it can happen, I wouldn't stress

aids9 6

Wednesday 11 March 2015 12:31

Edwards scissor hands?

jrdnrodway 2

Wednesday 11 March 2015 12:47

dude broken in by a hand job.. wow, never heard of that before!!

Urpoppy 21

Wednesday 11 March 2015 13:15

It must have been her first handjob too.

rockwrench 18

Wednesday 11 March 2015 13:17

Sounds like you got a Lorena Bobbitt hand job.

MissBehavin77 18

Wednesday 11 March 2015 13:31

Better use some lube next time.

fastnachter 15

Wednesday 11 March 2015 13:39

This made me wince just reading it. She needs a serious sit down and talk to before any other people become victims.

Slavgaard 16

Wednesday 11 March 2015 13:43

remember... lube is your friend...

Gillett 23

Wednesday 11 March 2015 13:54

Damn homie. I know ya pain. That Lil connective membrane under ya dick is really sensitive. My wife had that nuvaring shit when we were dating and it ****** me up too!

1
2
3
4
5
6
7

Keywords

DIY Cats Miscellaneous Family Management Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Coworkers Relatable Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Anxiety Mental health Technology Health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 856

You deserved it 6 630

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explainable stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 163

You deserved it 3 436

The Top

Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 264

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 569

You deserved it 12 678

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 018

You deserved it 6 027

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 536

You deserved it 4 614

Today, after making a 3.5 hour trip to see his parents, my boyfriend found out his dad has COVID. He doesn't understand why I'm upset that they waited until after he was there to tell him. I'm immunocompromised, and can't afford to miss work. My boyfriend still wants to come home after being around him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 118

Today, I woke up late and in a rush, I grabbed what I thought was a container of leftover spaghetti from the refrigerator to take to work. At lunch, I opened it to find it wasn't spaghetti, but raw marinated chicken my roommate had prepped for dinner. I ended up eating a vending machine sandwich that tasted like cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 484