Intimacy: Whenever

Whenever

By InstantHardOn - 08/11/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 537

You deserved it 8 159

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 418

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 5 604

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 59 089

By Indigo_Kitten - 08/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 19 056

By tkr - 06/02/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 937

You deserved it 39 960

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 294

You deserved it 5 774

Right Said Fred

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 22:02

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 2 025

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 066

You deserved it 2 096

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 191

You deserved it 9 764

Oooooh yeah

By omgwtf - 01/06/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my girlfriend had changed my ringtone to some woman moaning with pleasure continuously. I found this out in the middle of a job interview when she rang me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 893

You deserved it 579

thantomaniac 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:08

That SOUNDS funny as hell.

MwahFMLS 6

Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:12

Grab her boob and sing nyan cat? Meowmeowmeowmeow

Comments

jellyD 1

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:10

Be proud to display a boner in public! You are a man!

Tara_74656 7

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:21

loud and proud huh... boys are weird

rusrsbrah 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:21

Dude, just embrace it. Walk around with that tree in your pants. It's natural.

jobsman99 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:26

So that means you can grab her **** pinch her nipples and play with her pussy in public? Tell her to wear a dress with no bra or panties. That will be fun for you.

IchigoKoneko 6

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:57

I know exactly how you feel! My boyfriend grabs my boobs and honks, because apparently it's hilarious!

Tara_74656 7

Tuesday 8 November 2011 14:23

its only hilarious if u think it is too. just my opinion

Jewdazking23 5

Tuesday 8 November 2011 14:23

Next time you go out, but s joy buzzer on your pants near the crotch area. next time she goes for it, ZAP!!!

sammsaballerr 1

Thursday 10 November 2011 17:42

that could backfire and buzz his junk -_-

loserman67 35

Tuesday 8 November 2011 14:25

I must agree with the majority and say that this is funny as hell. But on a serious note: Turn about is fair play, so you can either: A: Grab her crotch and sing, "The Fishin' Blues." ( "Here's a little tip I would like to relate. Big fish bites if ya got a good bait. I'a goin' fishin.' Yes, I'm goin' fishin and my baby's goin' fishin' too.) B: Learn to control your boner and tell her that it has become "Boring" Either way, you win!