Intimacy: Who knows?

Who knows?

By Anonymous - 08/02/2014 18:49 - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 775

You deserved it 11 077

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 770

You deserved it 13 692

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 253

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 885

You deserved it 9 239

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 226

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 10:00

Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 364

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 8 654

Turn of phrase

By MiniJeans - 30/04/2015 02:25 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 311

You deserved it 12 300

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 2 704

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 304

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 941

You deserved it 9 090

EdenCrystal 21

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:11

Well he won't be getting a peck on the cheek anytime soon.

fuckedPriceless 17

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:18

Why were you being so nosy?

Comments

missnuthin 10

Sunday 9 February 2014 20:39

personally, i would dump him. telling all his friends about private things between you two? NOT a good thing.

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 9 February 2014 21:35

Well next time you'll get it...don't worry about it they'll probably drop it soon..,

siggy_mcsigx 22

Sunday 9 February 2014 22:08

I had intercourse way before I gave (and certainly got) oral sex. The guy with whom I lost my virginity was equally uninterested in oral so that was fine. I was terrified going down for it the first time. I do not find penises aesthetically pleasing. But I learned to look but not see, or to close my eyes, and it's fine now, especially when it's a win-win situation ;) ! Anyway he should have laughed a bit then let it slide. He sounds like such an immature douchebag. It was your first try!! :(

tgbvfr 8

Sunday 9 February 2014 23:25

And there is a classic case of split infinitive - "to smack accidentally" would be how to say in English...

AdamInNi 3

Monday 10 February 2014 0:15

I'm sorry OP, but that's hilarious

itsjusttofunny 8

Monday 10 February 2014 1:06

what a dick head.

XypherDubstep 8

Monday 10 February 2014 1:45

I can't stop laughing

tankard94 1

Monday 10 February 2014 5:00

Boyfriend is an ass...feel sorry for you.

Neckyl 6

Monday 10 February 2014 5:42

Break up. What kind of dick tells his friends the intimate details of your sex life? You're not a one-night stand. Girlfriends deserve better.

billyisgone 4

Friday 14 February 2014 20:48

I believe it's called "every guy who has straight guy friends" It doesn't mean he doesn't love her any less. Guys talk about sex, girls talk about sex, who cares.