Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: WTF dude? - FML

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 143

You deserved it 8 543

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Holes

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 5 421

By Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 3 384

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 601

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 810

You deserved it 8 834

What the…

By bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 342

You deserved it 5 007

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 183

You deserved it 32 498

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 569

You deserved it 5 722

Hard to believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 375

You deserved it 579

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 363

You deserved it 7 467

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 142

You deserved it 559

Next

Top comments

alexm501 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:05

Hopefully it wasn't a banana

KennKenn 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:04

At least it wasn't apple pie.

Comments

maggotfoREVer 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 23:57

Hes a little fruity

patzz12 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 0:05

WTF

FatMan23 10

Wednesday 9 November 2011 0:08

YDI for not having sex with him.

emilyrenee16 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 0:34

Damn! That effen sucks! He's wrong

fanalee 10

Wednesday 9 November 2011 0:41

What kind of fruit?!?!

genitalwartz69 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 0:43

Fruity

nerdsgetmehot 22

Wednesday 9 November 2011 0:53

I'm dying a little because of not knowing what fruit it was. A banana, presumably? Or a melon?

volcomxbabiix3 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 1:17

#192 hahahahahahahahaha!

jerry2011 4

Wednesday 9 November 2011 1:25

Didn't you offer him your fruit?

DaveMatthewsBand 4

Wednesday 9 November 2011 1:45

Haha this was a funny FML. The best part about this site is the hilarious comments!!!! I'm not witty so I just leave it up to everyone else to say things I might have said eventually.

9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 42 714

Today, I pulled my Christmas tree out of my mother-in-law's garage, only to find out rats had ruined all the lights. The tree cost $2600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 522

The Top

Today, my long-term partner and I decided we still love each other and want to try to salvage our relationship. Also today, a long-lost crush reconnected with me out of nowhere. The chemistry between us is insane and I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe it's a sign? FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 1 283

Today, I woke up to the smell of cooking bacon. As I walked down my stairs towards my kitchen, I realised that the smell wasn't coming from bacon, but from my kitchen being on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 134

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 776

You deserved it 26 683

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 865

You deserved it 645

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 181

Today, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner for the first time. The place was full of his ex's stuff, books on the shelves, makeup in the bathroom, clothes in the closet and even shoes on the floor. Not to mention creepy plush toys staring at me. She left him 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 110