Intimacy: Zinger!

Zinger!

By Familyskank - 06/05/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 632

You deserved it 24 944

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Same thing different taste

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 04:00 - United States - Utica

Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 214

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 125

You deserved it 13 202

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 177

You deserved it 3 774

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 738

You deserved it 2 277

By badcook - 24/09/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 3 521

Very funny, Dad

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 647

You deserved it 4 631

By Killmenow - 30/08/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 249

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 272

You deserved it 3 433

It's called fashion, Susan, look it up

By Ari - 08/09/2018 23:30

Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 869

You deserved it 378

Tasty

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 617

You deserved it 5 565

Janrok24 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:04

Just one word: OWNED!

cristy91 33

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

Tell her she should buy one for that fat trap of hers.

Comments

trilo3000 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 6:49

shouldent be a ****.

fantome_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 6:49

You should have just pointed out it's still possible to have sex with your legs closed. That would have showed 'em. lol

cyxx 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 7:03

135 - Sleeping around really isn't safe. STDs, pregnancy ... most forms of birth control don't work against STDs. Only latex condoms work against most STDs, and even those don't protect against all of them (ex. herpes). Also, it's not like the aunt is locking her up in her room and barring her from all physical contact with others. She just made a witty comment that probably had a lot of truth to it.

kristineneer 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 7:16

Ouch.

UsingLogic 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 7:19

#141: Most importantly, people don't realize the psychological consequences of not having enough limits in sex. I'm not saying we should force limits on people though (I'm totally against this), but at least people should think about it before deciding how much freedom they want to enjoy in their sex life. Having sex whenever you want with whoever you want may not be very healthy psychologically. I'm not going into details here, it's not the place for this, but I just want to encourage people to do some research of their own about this and then make their decisions about their sex life.

munnzx 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 8:02

HAHAHAHAH!

neonoodle 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 8:28

**** your aunt's life if she has nothing better to do than judge other people. My aunt is the same way, and that's why everyone hates her guts.

HeyitsPheddy 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 9:59

You have an awesome aunt.

misshil 1

Thursday 7 May 2009 10:36

woooooooooooow. i mean, what a mean family!

mother_green7 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 10:42

HAHAHAHA!!! your grandma is funny as hell! i appreciate people who always have a good insult at hand, but i REALLY applaud the ones that can throw an even better one back. and #31, just chill and take a joke. i thought that was the reason why most people are on this site in the first place.