Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids

Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters.

By Anonymous - 06/12/2016 17:09 - United States - Orange Park

Today, it's the 11th day I've been in the hospital due to my kidneys. My mother has come in every day since to make me feel bad about missing Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 672

By ArtistBlock - 25/11/2016 05:10

Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 459

You deserved it 6 193

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 738

You deserved it 2 277

By Lysh - 24/11/2016 05:38

Today, my fiancé broke it off with me on our 3-year anniversary at 12:01 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. Guess who gets to go to family gatherings where everyone will be asking where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 900

You deserved it 877

By Husband - 22/11/2016 14:33 - United States - Washington

Today, I asked my husband if he wanted to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. He choked on his own spit to avoid answering the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 335

You deserved it 1 531

By Firequeen - 21/11/2016 21:44

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 411

You deserved it 1 032

By emeraldarcher74 - 19/11/2016 18:34 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 265

You deserved it 1 343

By num1piglover - 16/11/2016 22:55 - United States - Raritan

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 709

You deserved it 736

Awkward silence

By daughter in law - 08/11/2016 06:05 - United States

Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 489

You deserved it 1 524

By fml - 02/11/2016 08:45 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 149

You deserved it 1 264

By manda8484 - 01/11/2016 05:12 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I've been crushing on for a while. When he dropped me off, I said thank you and that we should do it again sometime. He replied, "Yeah, maybe next Halloween." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 794

You deserved it 810

By nohalloweenforus - 31/10/2016 15:22

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 118

You deserved it 978

By Well, shit - 18/01/2016 22:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents forced me to write a thank you letter to my uncle who passed away a week after Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 211

You deserved it 1 309

By Anon - 26/12/2015 02:03 - United States

Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 552

You deserved it 1 394

By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 277

You deserved it 1 661

By dickbag - 25/11/2015 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom hates my grandmother (her mother-in-law) so much that she's trying to guilt me into not visiting her when I come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving in the first place, but my grandmother bought me the plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 509

You deserved it 1 455

Look at that

By That escalated quickly - 24/06/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 501

You deserved it 4 289

The turkeys fight back

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 147

You deserved it 2 948

Merry Xmas

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 05:59 - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend had invited me to Christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there, she told me that her and her husband had forgotten they had another dinner to go to, and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 202

You deserved it 2 901

By cwhitney7 - 22/12/2014 15:04 - United States - Waltham

Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 774

You deserved it 13 353

By mainlineloser - 28/11/2014 05:25 - United States - Narberth

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 464

You deserved it 3 356

By Trainer Calypso - 27/11/2014 20:38 - United States - Schofield

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 070

You deserved it 4 105

WTF just happened?

By Carnage23 - 22/11/2014 10:16 - Germany - Essen

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss then announced that he's coming with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 131

You deserved it 4 013

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 669

You deserved it 8 162

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 21:31 - Ireland

Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 241

You deserved it 4 702

By holiday from hell - 25/12/2013 01:12 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 249

You deserved it 3 697

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 14:27 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss decided that a mug and a public 'thank you' were a sufficient substitute for a Christmas bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 469

You deserved it 3 886

By not-religious - 17/12/2013 09:16 - United States

Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 335

You deserved it 5 170

By NotTellingYouMyName - 28/11/2013 06:26 - United States - South Salem

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 793

You deserved it 3 617

By zoe777 - 09/11/2013 02:54 - United States

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 838

You deserved it 4 357

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 315

You deserved it 2 040

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 375

The Top

Today, I learned something new. I knew that ripening apples release some kind of gas that affects other fruit. But I learned that apparently, it can also affect living plants. Meaning that if you keep a windfall of apples in the same room as a potted rose, the rose will die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 242

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 705

You deserved it 23 189

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 249

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 659

You deserved it 12 090

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 165

You deserved it 3 816

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 847

You deserved it 2 728