The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By anonymous - 21/02/2011 05:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 990

You deserved it 14 931

By weddingbells - 25/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, my parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her. They screamed for half an hour. Right in the middle of my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 997

You deserved it 2 517

NSFW

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 675

You deserved it 47 673

By WOWBear - 05/06/2013 09:46 - United States - Mesa

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 249

You deserved it 13 211

Keep it down

By Andy - 13/05/2012 02:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 504

You deserved it 4 371

By Anonymous - 20/06/2011 05:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 915

You deserved it 8 612

By pookie99 - 17/06/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 732

You deserved it 5 574

Don't drink and letch

By GonnaGetFired - 31/03/2010 00:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 640

You deserved it 40 377

Coincidence?

By WhiteLiar - 04/03/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says, "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 321

You deserved it 2 751

Stranger danger

By Dani - 12/01/2012 10:35 - Australia

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 013

You deserved it 2 609

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 21:28 - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 540

You deserved it 3 197

By squirrel - 09/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading "Protect Your Nuts". My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 903

You deserved it 42 501

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 395

You deserved it 5 001

Dude, what the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 042

You deserved it 4 755

Awkward

By ellinor - 17/09/2010 20:33 - Sweden

Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 519

You deserved it 37 206

By wantontsu - 11/09/2010 18:59

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 714

You deserved it 3 635

By sadface - 11/08/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 404

You deserved it 3 472

Creepy guy

By iamnotalawyer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Glendale

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 269

You deserved it 4 247

By Hellosinglelife - 28/03/2013 22:35 - Trinidad and Tobago - Diego Martin

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 119

You deserved it 3 652

I didn't see you there

By SolaceInRage - 20/03/2013 23:53 - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 149

You deserved it 26 926

By FacebookStrikesAgain - 21/01/2014 23:59 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 521

You deserved it 6 135

By OvertonHippie - 13/01/2014 12:09 - United States - Corinth

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 053

You deserved it 5 364

OvertonHippie tells us more.

OvertonHippie 16

Monday 13 January 2014 21:25

What she doesn't realize is that in a school with only 180 students, it's impossible to get away with stuff like that. The principal knows what's up, because we dealt with similar issues last year; I just didn't think I was going to have to schedule meetings with the teachers again about it (outside of the regular parent-teacher conferences, which she attends). I *had* kind of noticed the teachers giving me the stink-eye in the car line lately though.

By ElephantLover - 11/12/2013 20:14 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 861

You deserved it 5 400

Kids say the funniest things

By embarrassedmom - 18/05/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair whose leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?" He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 562

You deserved it 25 973

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 14:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 672

You deserved it 3 066

Imagine what it would be like

By Anonymous - 07/09/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 10 051

By lights on forever - 02/08/2013 20:57 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 902

You deserved it 9 208

Crash

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my ex-wife crashed my engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 751

You deserved it 4 133

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 327

You deserved it 5 945

By DatAss - 15/01/2016 10:56

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 007

You deserved it 2 465

Keywords

Transportation Cars Embarrassing Kids Awkward Parents Thanksgiving Thief Animals Dogs Relatable Birthday Love Money Argument Politics Health Family Sex Intimacy Frustration Parenting Work Allergies Miscellaneous AITA First Dates Road rage Cute Alcohol

The Top

Today, I saw an e-mail notification for my husband regarding a flight to New York this Wednesday. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and we have no relatives in New York. When I asked him about it, he confessed that he’s gonna see a lady he met online and that he wants a divorce. I’m due to give birth next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 81

Today, while power washing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it could sting me, I aimed the power washer nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as power washing your leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 419

You deserved it 84 351

The Top

Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 137

You deserved it 3 779

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 982

You deserved it 695

Today, my manipulative mother got upset and started ignoring me. All because she lectured me about doing too much for other people, then proceeded to tell me all her problems, and I actually took her advice. Other people's problems are not my responsibility to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 129

Today, it's been over three months since my ex and I split up. It's also been three months since I've seen my step-daughter. Being an ex-stepfather is heartbreaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 133

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 010

You deserved it 5 185

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So don't touch you at all?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 899

You deserved it 24 991