The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month

The top of the year

Short nap

By Anonymous - 10/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 118

Stumped

By Possibly a robot - 27/09/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I failed a CAPTCHA seven times before completing it. They didn't lie when they said they are making them harder. I don't think I'm a robot, but maybe I should get tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 118

I'm so bored

By Bored - 12/10/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I realized how bored I am with life in general, as well as how bad my ADHD has gotten, when I saw a fly eating a crumb I dropped on the floor and watched it for two minutes straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 255

Express yourself

By Embarassed - 18/10/2024 20:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 121

Booger block

By Anonymous - 23/10/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom - Clydebank

Today, I woke up with a really annoying bogey blocking my nose. Eventually, I just covered the other nostril and snorted as hard as I could. Good news, it came flying out. Bad news, it landed in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 355

Lucky or what?

By Anonymous - 15/11/2024 12:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I put on what I thought was my "lucky" sweater for a job interview. Halfway there, I noticed my reflection in a car window and realized it was covered in cat hairs of various colors and a faded spaghetti stain from last week that apparently hadn't come out in the wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 480

Still mad about Toys R Us

By Frank - 19/11/2024 00:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, yet again I had to lie to a date about what I do for a living, because every time I tell someone the truth, that I work in private equity, they have some choice words about "people like me ruining things" and "ruining the housing prices." I feel like an evil James Bond or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 540

This is fine

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 01:00 - United States - Cerritos

Today, I got another parking ticket because I can't afford a parking pass for the school I attend. I now have over $700 in unpaid parking tickets. I have classes all day from Monday-Thursday. I work Friday-Sunday. They recently cut hours at work. Some days I can't afford to feed myself. My mom said, "Figure it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 470

So frustrating!

By Anonymous - 29/11/2023 18:00

Today, I bought a massive new puzzle to take my mind off of things. Hours later, I realized there was a missing piece. Frustrated, I looked everywhere for it, only to discover it was stuck to the bottom of my shoe, and I'd been walking around with it all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 139

Trust issues

By Anonymous - 23/12/2023 14:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I ended up shitting myself when trying to pass what I thought was a small amount of gas, only for it to be diarrhea. I turned 37 last month. Never trust a fart, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 216

Punished Nintendo

By Anonymous - 03/01/2024 06:00 - United States - Cary

Today, while playing Mario Wonder on my Switch, I missed a very simple jump at the end of a level and in response, slammed my foot down, hard. Unfortunately, my foot collided with a loose beam on my desk, causing it to break. My dad found out and told my mom, and now they've taken away my Switch for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 1 015

Preferential treatment

By Anonymous - 27/01/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after I bought my house, my dad forced me to do all the DIY with him because I needed to know how to do it myself, but my sister just bought her house and not only did dad hire tradesmen to do a lot of the work, he forced me to do a lot of it as well. Never before have I wished I was a girl too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 233

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 14:00

Today, as a nurse, I had to tell a 15 year-old girl that her red, sore asscrack was caused by consistently not wiping her ass properly. Seriously, when I examined her there was still poop, even though she swore she wiped this morning. I had to teach her how to do it properly, at 15 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 126

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 25/02/2024 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I totaled my car whilst rushing to pick up my son from daycare. This happened as I was leaving the hospital, after dropping off a wheelchair to my recently disabled wife, who is taking care of our newborn in the special care unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 160

Whassup?

By Anonymous - 26/02/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked into the bar to meet my Tinder date and sat down next to him at the bar. Without looking up from his phone, his first words to me were, “Piss off fatty, I’m meeting a hot chick tonight.” I guess he didn’t recognise me with my hair done and in a nice dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 207

Nightmare fuel

By Traumatized - 12/03/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, at my job as a hotel housekeeper, I accidentally entered the room of someone who hadn't left yet. To my horror, the man inside was having a massive heart attack. I just found out he passed away, despite immediate medical intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 83

Sweeped out

By Anonymous - 20/03/2024 23:00 - South Africa - Germiston

Today, my wife and I spent hours cleaning our home, including her mother’s room, which has a floor covered in talcum powder (that she believes keeps ants away). After laboriously sweeping, and then washing the floor, it eventually dried. Two minutes later she poured talc all over the floor again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 173

Manchild

By gena - 30/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made a mess eating spaghetti. Yes, he is older than 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 193

Protest song

By Anonymous - 16/04/2024 18:00 - United States - Lockport

Today, I picked my sister up from the hospital. Apparently, she got into it with some guy who “didn’t look disabled” for parking in a handicapped spot and laid under his tires to stop him from leaving. He didn’t realize and ran her over. Now I have to listen to her bitch and moan about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 85

Sing it again

By Anonymous - 23/04/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I just learned that the silly song my parents taught me as a small child, and would sometimes make me sing for the family, is actually a very thinly veiled series of penis jokes. Why just now? Because I hadn't thought about it for years, until my grandma brought it up at a reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 80

Take a chance on me

By Anonymous - 02/05/2024 18:00 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, my family keeps pestering me about whether I've contacted my father yet. My father, the one who treated me and my family like crap throughout my upbringing and cheated on my mom a few years ago. I don't know why they think I'd ever want to see him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 92

Randy

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 19:00

Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 165

Seize the day, right?

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss offered use of the restaurant for free for my 50th. It went well but afterward he asked us to clean up, then started pulling all the deep-cleaning equipment out of storage, saying, “Might as well while you’re all here.” The cleaning took longer than the party. Bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 104

Have a Kitkat

By Billy - 27/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my wife came back from a three-day moms' retreat, and was mad I didn't immediately want to spend time with her. She called me 68 times (yes, I counted) while she was gone, so it was really like she never left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 102

Happy Fourth of July

By Help - 05/07/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my cats from fireworks. Problem is, I also have really sensitive hearing, so fireworks are distressing to me as well. My cats didn't take kindly to me being distressed and just became more irritable. They took their irritability out on me. Now I look like I fought a bear or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 178

What's on the menu?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, my doctor wants me to avoid carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. Yes, I am looking for another doctor while I scratch my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 101

What? Why?

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 1 057

Fashionista

By Cousin_Greg - 14/08/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I got dressed in a hurry and grabbed what I though was a basic white shirt from the clean laundry pile. It wasn’t until I stepped into the elevator at work and saw myself in the mirror that I realized I was wearing one of my girlfriend’s shirt. It was snug, had a floral pattern, and made me look like I was trying too hard to be trendy. It was a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 517

Ill prepared

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Stockton

Today, I have a friend who I’m scared is going to become a nurse. She didn’t even know that morning sickness can last all day and that “morning” sickness is just its name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 140

Reluctant teambuilding

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during a Zoom meeting, five out of the six attendees claimed their cameras were broken and were audio only. I get that Zoom meetings suck but come up with a better excuse than that, or just say you prefer to be audio only, Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 402

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 032

You deserved it 3 461

The Top

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 656

You deserved it 53 753

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 915

You deserved it 1 422

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 965

You deserved it 18 122

Today, my family staged an intervention and demanded I go to rehab. Why? My mom found 'drug papers' in my car. It was a receipt from a routine drug screening for my job. It was also over two years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 77

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 214

You deserved it 4 811

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 730

You deserved it 6 802