The Top

OP here, yes the girl was fine and laughing when I ran up to her to see if she was okay. My dogs just a very large, very excitable english mastiff puppy and the girl loves dogs so it worked out fine after I bought her another ice-cream. And my puppy wasn't on a leash because we were at a dog park playing with other dogs and she was very fired up. The little girls parent saw what happened and were very understanding :)

By PrettySureItsReal - 09/04/2015 19:38 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 064

You deserved it 2 217

By ej6901 - 23/06/2015 20:00 - United States - Ventnor City

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 813

You deserved it 19 140

Relevant to my interests

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 544

You deserved it 4 260

By shoggoth_wild - 27/02/2015 14:13 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 970

You deserved it 3 529

Happy Birthday

By shmoooopie - 29/05/2015 03:39 - United States - Medina

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 650

You deserved it 3 898

By isaidfuckoff - 27/06/2015 18:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 367

You deserved it 2 807

By brittrus - 08/05/2015 13:44 - Canada - Milton

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 740

You deserved it 3 274

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 445

You deserved it 3 790

By wtf did he do - 19/07/2015 09:02 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 2 271

You little shit

By UN4 - 27/05/2015 16:25 - United States

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 730

You deserved it 3 424

By Smeagogole - 02/07/2015 04:30 - France - Villeurbanne

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 169

You deserved it 3 573

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 236

You deserved it 12 862

By Andrew - 14/07/2015 17:59 - United States - Blackwood

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 929

You deserved it 2 780

By Anonymous - 27/07/2015 16:32 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 069

You deserved it 2 191

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 026

You deserved it 4 681

Unapproving

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 18:56 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 016

You deserved it 2 268

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I have a skin disease that causes my arms and legs to have small, but noticeable, red bumps on them. Trying to stay confident, I put on a swimsuit and went to the pool, only to be bumped into by a cute guy, who then asked why my arms were so "bumpy and disgusting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 109

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 668

You deserved it 3 982

The Top

Today, according to my boyfriend, getting me to orgasm takes so long that about 90% of his mental energy is directed at him trying not to orgasm first, so he never really enjoys himself. When he fails to get me to orgasm, I apparently use the forbidden sex phrase “It's fine” which makes him feel worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 663

Today, despite hints, suggestions, and even blatant criticism, my coworker refuses to believe he smells like rotten donkey nuts. He says he only needs to shower once a week, and that he doesn't believe in deodorant. I volunteered to do an extra autopsy today because the morgue smells better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 584

You deserved it 1 331

Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 788

You deserved it 61 018

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 979

You deserved it 39 073

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 101

You deserved it 24 890

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 117

You deserved it 2 953