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The all-time greatest FMLs

By UngratefulBrat - 28/12/2012 07:03 - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 664

You deserved it 6 842

By musicyman55 - 19/12/2009 07:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 662

You deserved it 3 052

Febreze time

By catpeecathy - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 662

You deserved it 5 433

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 11:47 - Denmark

Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called my boyfriend to get some comfort. When he didn't answer his phone, I called his house, only to hear his mother telling me, "He was so sad that you guys broke up." I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 660

You deserved it 2 496

By woahheylex - 25/06/2011 14:21 - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 660

You deserved it 5 353

Paperboy on Commodore 64

By Xero_316 - 05/11/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was doing my paper route. I throw the papers onto people's driveways while sitting on the back of my dad's truck. To be funny my dad decided to suddenly speed up, causing me to fall off the back of the truck, face first onto the road. He didn't realize I fell off and kept driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 4 304

By Katie - 23/06/2011 16:39 - United States

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 2 813

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 25/12/2013 23:19 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend than they are to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 655

You deserved it 4 273

Yaaaaaay!

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 654

You deserved it 4 541

By apple - 16/07/2010 19:38 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 651

You deserved it 6 271

By Thesuz - 06/09/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 650

You deserved it 3 322

Lonely birthday

By anon - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 649

You deserved it 13 524

By mista_sandy - 11/04/2012 16:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 649

You deserved it 5 792

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 649

You deserved it 18 334

By raebelle - 02/06/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 647

You deserved it 10 775

By Fred - 20/03/2015 01:06 - United States - Kingston

Spicy

Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 647

You deserved it 5 828

By diskdude13 - 15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished, she said "You're so funny!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 647

You deserved it 6 432

By freylero - 27/10/2009 19:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my son's hamster died. It was overweight and got stuck in its plastic tube. My 6 year old son came downstairs to me smashing a plastic tube with a dead hamster in it on the kitchen table. He thinks I killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 647

You deserved it 5 241

freylero tells us more.

freylero 5

Wednesday 28 October 2009 11:55

Basically, he's had hamsters that have dies before, and we always gave them a funeral... so I didn't want to bury him in a plastic tube so my husband gave me the job of removing the hamster....

By loner - 12/02/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 646

You deserved it 4 201

By Anonymous - 14/09/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 645

You deserved it 20 850

By cinemasaddo - 25/09/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 644

You deserved it 3 554

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 643

You deserved it 3 023

By OysterPearls - 25/02/2014 03:04 - United States - Carson

Today, I performed in a rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar at my school. When it came time for my big solo, a whopping two lines, I forgot the words, making for an awkward eight seconds of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 642

You deserved it 9 722

OysterPearls tells us more.

OysterPearls 33

Tuesday 25 February 2014 17:40

Hi, OP here! We had two flawless performances before this one, and several rehearsals before that. So no, I was not unprepared in the least. I think the problem came from the lack of sleep I had before this specific performance, because; with my luck, I happened to catch a cold the night before. Thanks for the positive comments, I feel like posting this has helped me overcome the embarrassment by giving me the opportunity to laugh at my own plight! :)

By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 642

You deserved it 3 159

By damnbananas - 24/01/2011 20:38 - United States

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 641

You deserved it 4 346

Thanks

By Appelflap - 29/03/2013 22:18 - Belgium - Sint-niklaas

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 641

You deserved it 2 807

By no - 17/11/2014 02:26 - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 640

You deserved it 4 002

By LiLGeek - 12/01/2009 15:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 9 207

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 637

You deserved it 5 009

By Flighted - 22/09/2012 04:54 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 635

You deserved it 3 062

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I came home early from business trip to Paris, where I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of two years out and propose to her. I sneaked into our house as a surprise and… she was having sex with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 492

You deserved it 4 181

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 653

You deserved it 8 783

The Top

Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 566

You deserved it 3 692

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 82

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 293

You deserved it 22 183

Today, I got frustrated looking for jobs and decided to take a quiz on best-fitting careers. My results speak for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 875

You deserved it 377

Today, I visited my girlfriend in the preschool she's interning at. She asked me to continue reading The Little Mermaid to her class, handing me the book. After the story, the whole class started to cry. She never told me to sugarcoat the ending and lie, Disney-style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 290

You deserved it 603

Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 165