The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 360

You deserved it 4 304

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 360

You deserved it 3 059

But…

By I hate my job - 23/12/2014 08:14 - Canada - Delta

Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 359

You deserved it 3 109

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:46 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 357

You deserved it 5 244

By porkythighs - 27/12/2009 14:19 - Singapore

Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 357

You deserved it 7 791

By jeanrose2013 - 23/10/2012 22:12 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 353

You deserved it 3 199

Crushed

By annonymous - 19/09/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 353

You deserved it 2 711

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - 01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Spicy

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 352

You deserved it 4 302

Estranged

By assdialed. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my dad, who I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but he did leave me an accidental voicemail, saying, "Oh shit, I didn't mean to call her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 351

You deserved it 2 706

By Anonymous - 28/11/2014 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 4 651

By grannygirlfriend - 06/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 5 097

Weird

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 09:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met a close friend of my husband's for the first time. She told me it was amazing that I agreed to be in an open marriage, and asked if sex was weird knowing he'd slept with other women. No, the sex wasn't weird, because we're not in an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 2 603

Army dudes

By Anonymous - 02/12/2014 17:39 - United States - Glendale

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 347

You deserved it 4 216

By Jimbo - 25/05/2010 09:29 - United States

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 347

You deserved it 2 817

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 346

You deserved it 4 495

Curb your expectations

By Academia - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I got accepted into University, onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them, since they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 3 088

Freaky

By death bed - 13/02/2013 17:20 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 2 480

Not now

By anonymous - 02/02/2011 05:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 343

You deserved it 4 720

By Noname - 11/02/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 343

You deserved it 5 497

By FMyLife5915 - 04/09/2010 04:15

Spicy

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 343

You deserved it 6 930

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 10:16 - India

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 340

You deserved it 3 455

By deviable - 09/11/2011 17:32 - Canada

Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 339

You deserved it 2 889

deviable tells us more.

deviable 9

Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:59

My dad is very sensitive about his cooking. If I'd refused he would have made my life harder for the next few days. I said I liked someone's steak a little better than his, and it was a year before he cooked another steak. We generally try not to hurt his feelings.

By Anonymous - 24/03/2013 10:30 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 337

You deserved it 14 718

By cchandler - 23/09/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 337

You deserved it 8 041

Judgy

By distressed - 17/03/2015 12:00 - Australia - Burwood

Spicy

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 336

You deserved it 6 971

I'm in hell

By mylifesuckssomuch3214 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after complaining to the administration about my roommate, I finally got switched. As I went into the room to meet my new roommate, I found out he was my old roommate's brother. They are exactly the same, and I'm not allowed to switch again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 334

You deserved it 3 445

By theycallmekitty - 11/01/2013 00:02 - United States - Decatur

Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 333

You deserved it 3 026

theycallmekitty tells us more.

theycallmekitty 13

Friday 11 January 2013 3:19

He's not a mouse...he's a rat. There's a big difference. Also, don't feel bad for him, he is definitely a mommas boy....

Supportive

By Schmolly - 13/10/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I had a mental breakdown. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was, "I think we were better off as friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 332

You deserved it 5 516

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 332

You deserved it 4 134

By elle - 23/05/2011 10:17

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 330

You deserved it 4 142

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 653

You deserved it 8 783

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 360

You deserved it 57 767

The Top

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years-old and got beat up by a group of 10 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 801

You deserved it 15 591

Today, my school sent me an email saying I would be transferred to another class this Monday. I told my mom about it. Turns out my drunk mom ran into my teacher at a bar and started berating her for being at the bar, instead of grading her “kid’s exam already.” I’m a high school senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 89

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 345

You deserved it 15 745

Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 541

You deserved it 389

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 472

You deserved it 427

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow some tools. Trying to be friendly, I asked how he was doing. He then spent the next 45 minutes describing his recent breakup in excruciating detail. I just wanted him to take the tools and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 161