The Top

Thank you everyone for then encouraging words and sympathy for me. I would like to say my mom is one of the greatest people in my life and is very intelligent. She had been dating my dad for 2 years before and they got married and they are still married. She is certainly not a dead-beat mom. I think she was just being spiteful when that happened. She apologized later. She taught me that what she did is not what I want to do in my life. Sure what she said got me down, but outside dating I have a great life!

By hubby - 08/10/2013 17:57 - United States

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 661

You deserved it 5 796

By Abrams52 - 28/05/2013 05:44 - United States - Fishers

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 660

You deserved it 35 858

By avanti - 24/04/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 658

You deserved it 7 937

By PmS - 08/03/2009 07:16 - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and I was going over to my friend's house for dinner. When I walked in, everyone yelled, "Surprise!" and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me, she said, "Wrong person guys, turn off the lights." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 649

You deserved it 3 344

Big whoops

By Anonymous - 11/11/2013 15:55 - United States

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 620

You deserved it 4 581

Nice try, Steve

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 615

You deserved it 4 593

By smooth - 21/11/2013 16:10 - United States

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 604

You deserved it 14 038

By mjohnston - 27/03/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 592

You deserved it 13 687

Review

By crub - 05/03/2009 15:10 - United States

Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 588

You deserved it 2 325

By waxinghorror - 11/07/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 579

You deserved it 9 255

Classy

By 1234 - 11/07/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one rip. My husband yelled, "She likes to eat beans." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 576

You deserved it 10 440

Added spice

By hungry - 06/04/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some Cheez-Its I had in my room. After I'd enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 565

You deserved it 16 940

You owe me $5, kitty

By georgia819 - 21/05/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 541

You deserved it 4 325

Retention

By S…… - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 532

You deserved it 8 678

By jojo - 06/05/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad, so I speeded up to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 526

You deserved it 12 876

Conversational skills

By no_leather_of_any_kind - 07/04/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 526

You deserved it 9 702

By RedWaters - 06/03/2013 20:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 524

You deserved it 15 906

By Anonymous - 31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 523

You deserved it 5 066

Misleading

By KL. - 05/06/2009 19:46 - Canada

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 503

You deserved it 5 016

By Overprotected - 19/06/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 500

You deserved it 4 649

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, I got into an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling me enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 669

You deserved it 4 364

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 852

You deserved it 1 042

The Top

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 237

You deserved it 11 893

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 391

You deserved it 5 369

Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 797

You deserved it 5 107

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 199

You deserved it 27 284

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 148

You deserved it 39 684

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 890

You deserved it 1 927