All the FMLs

Worst teeth in the game

By Anonymous - 02/04/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, I bit into a burrito and felt something hard crunch. I spit it out and found a small tooth. It was mine. I'd managed to break my tooth on a burrito. I had to go to the dentist, and the hygienist giggled a bit too much about the reason why it was getting fixed. I now have a strong suspicion of burritos which will probably never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 11

Never enough, never

By Anonymous - 02/04/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after I took my mom her favourite wine, a card, and an expensive orchid for her conservatory, and also spent all Saturday afternoon with her and took her out for lunch, what did she post on Facebook? Her disappointment that I didn’t spend Mother’s Day with her on Sunday because I was working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 13

The tape

By floff - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 628

You deserved it 265

Gimme a break

By Respect the handyman - 01/04/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, after days of my wife nagging me, I started working on the flat pack furniture she ordered. Every twenty minutes, she interrupted me to demand I stop and help her with something trivial and irrelevant. Now I remember why I postpone projects as long as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 56

Out of the frying pan into another frying pan

By Rizuki_Tsurai - 02/04/2025 06:00 - Philippines - Addition Hills

Today, after I got fired from my job last year because I couldn't handle the pressure of being under a PIP by a company who wants to underhandedly cut off employees, I got a new job. My new boss keeps hounding me about my performance and I feel like she doesn't like me. I live alone, have no savings and I can't afford being fired again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 52

Coyness is nice, and coyness can stop you…

By Krissy - 01/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's party, only to realize I was in the wrong apartment, after getting the address confused. Instead of awkwardly leaving, I stayed for a bit and pretended I was someone’s cousin. I was oddly suspicious that no one noticed me mingling, but then it turned out to be a shady MLM recruitment party for a leggings company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 218

Bundled

By Anonymous - 01/04/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I cancelled all my streaming subscriptions and signed up for a “bundle deal” to save money. Turns out the deal was just all my old subscriptions repackaged under a new name. I’m still paying the same price, but now with ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 269

Overjoyed

By madiison09 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a letter from Yale Law School saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing… even the bottom of the letter, which said, "April fools' ! Love, Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 578

You deserved it 6 578

The horror

By GW. - 01/04/2025 07:00 - United States - Orange

Today, I have norovirus and my period. I feel like I’m emitting fluids from every hole I have. The toilet looks like something out of a horror movie every time I use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 44

No good role models these days

By Anonymous - 01/04/2025 14:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, after another failed relationship, I started thinking about role models for what I could do better next time. After going through every relationship and marriage among my family and friends, I realized that almost all either already ended or are worse than the one I just left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 66

Wait, what?

By Bradley Earl - 01/04/2025 06:00 - United States - Lansing

Today, my girlfriend was a mystic and I'd told her not to use FML because it seemed negative. I think it feels controlling and I don't want that. I also deleted a file that was about fear of her husband dying because she lost her dad. I wish I could go back and be on FML too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 323

Where is my mind?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2025 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, after softball practice, I could not find my car keys. Emptied my bag completely, no keys. Called a locksmith but he never showed up. Walked across the street to ask the fire department if they could help. After they got into my car, I found them. In my bag. Caught in my scorebook. The fireman just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 245

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, after weeks of being engaged and with the wedding date planned, I finally told my parents. They told me it was my best April Fool's joke ever. I should've waited one more day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 618

You deserved it 5 771

The hunter's yowl

By Good job - 31/03/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 136

Still a suspect

By UsernameNotFound404 - 01/04/2025 00:00 - Czechia

Today, I woke up, made breakfast for myself, and read all the notifications on my smartphone. The first one was about an accidental death at work, and that all maintenance workers are suspects. I work in maintenance, and it's not my section where the accident happened. RIP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 45

Can't be arsed

By Anonymous - 31/03/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband turned down a six figure job offer because he thinks it will be too difficult to learn to speak German. German is my native language, he already speaks some German from being married to me for 16 years, but somehow becoming fully fluent isn’t worth 6 figures to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 87

Welcome to the machine

By Lol - 31/03/2025 20:00 - United States - Austin

Today, after I spent the last year working overtime to prove myself at my tech job, I got an email saying I was laid off due to “strategic restructuring.” My boss posted a vacation picture right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 60

Smart kid

By bleredoshia - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 912

You deserved it 63 342

Distant

By Anonymous - 31/03/2025 15:00 - Germany

Today, my husband spoke enthusiastically about his day to my sister-in-law, who doesn't care about us or our family, and who I hate due to it. While I've been trying to get him to talk, ask him questions, and share about his day for years now, the most response I get is, "Leave me alone with my coffee" or literal snores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 97

Time to unionize

By Anonymous - 31/03/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when our boss told us he was giving himself the same raise as everyone else was getting, we thought he was finally being a decent human being. Nope. He meant it literally. His raise to himself is the same amount as the other 12 employees' raises combined. His raise is 12x what ours is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 55

Uglies

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 076

You deserved it 13 641

It's the new fad

By Anonymous - 30/03/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to find "GO HOME N***AS" written on my house. After filing a police report, crying with fear, and looking into the fastest way to sell my house, my 14 year-old daughter let it slip that she wrote it to "get popular." FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 145

Suspicious minds

By Anonymous - 30/03/2025 18:00 - Canada - Midland

Today, I poured out a glass of apple juice to drink. I threw out a beer can from earlier, and my mom thought I was drinking alcohol, not juice. She scolded me, until I made her physically taste the juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 82

Evening out

By Pissed and broke - 30/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I finally got a raise after years of hard work! Excited, I went on a shopping spree, but as I checked the latest prices, it turns out that my extra income barely covers the increase in my grocery bill. Thanks, inflation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 99

Boozehound

By KamiAzaaaaaa - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 151

You deserved it 1 618

So, the thing is…

By Hailee - 30/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I woke up to dozens of messages from friends and family, all asking about a video of me saying something awful. It wasn’t me. It was AI. But try explaining that to my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 62

No uncertain terms

By Andreww - 30/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got broken up with yet again by my on-and-off ex-girlfriend. I had ended things with an amazing girl I was seeing just to go back to my ex. She'd made it clear that if things went wrong with my ex, I wasn't allowed to pursue her again. I tried to hit her up again anyway, but she told me to “take a short walk off a pier.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 1 263

Team building

By Anonymous - 30/03/2025 09:00 - Belgium - Merendree

Today, it was my last day at my current job after a year and a half and the end of my contract. I brought snacks and a gift for the office. Nobody even bothered to come say goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 88

Policy of truth

By Lisaaa - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 823

You deserved it 35 031

My love language is…

By Time for a divorce, I think - 29/03/2025 21:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 81

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The Top

Today, I found out my oldest brother is getting married in two weeks. I heard about it through one of my two sisters, who pretty much helped end his last marriage, and who he hasn’t spoken to in 3 years. She wanted to complain about the invite taking so long. I still haven’t been invited, and I thought we were on good terms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 67

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738 587

You deserved it 495 742

The Top

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 893

You deserved it 6 022

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 954

You deserved it 194

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 895

You deserved it 5 089

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 009

You deserved it 14 136

Today, I told a guy at work about my boyfriend. His immediate response was to ask me if I was making him up. He's the third person to react this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 225

You deserved it 3 927

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 619

You deserved it 2 728