Birthday, Weird and Love: Thanks, I guess… - FML

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 134

You deserved it 4 166

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Same thing different taste

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 6 877

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 025

You deserved it 591

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 730

You deserved it 4 780

By random123 - 29/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 155

You deserved it 7 742

Happy Nothing

By Cheapass - 07/11/2021 02:00

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 247

By salt. - 28/02/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 2 634

By Deaf Dumb & Blonde - 01/09/2016 21:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 523

You deserved it 2 204

By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 556

You deserved it 17 501

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 273

You deserved it 18 560

By Anonymous - 29/01/2011 11:55 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 948

You deserved it 4 131

Next

Top comments

BreynHope 11

Sunday 22 September 2013 2:43

Nothing says happy birthday like a clean asshole. Take it all in stride.

BlesstheSilence 11

Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Swiggity swooty he's coming for that booty!

Comments

CatPasswd 9

Sunday 22 September 2013 3:56

kinky...

space_cadet2912 3

Sunday 22 September 2013 3:57

Surely it means you're getting Birthday Anal Sex. Have fun!

zazzyfitz 4

Sunday 22 September 2013 3:59

That certainly is a CRAPPY gift...

yenze 18

Sunday 22 September 2013 4:01

in his defense it's not a crappy or should I say shitty gift its kinda the complete opposite right?

perdix 29

Sunday 22 September 2013 4:04

I've heard of asshole boyfriends, but I haven't heard of one that literal! If he wants to give you the Heimlich Maneuver, watch out, here it comes!

noreallywhat 17

Sunday 22 September 2013 4:05

to get the stick out of there?

martin8337 35

Sunday 22 September 2013 4:13

Maybe your bf. wants you to give yourself the enema while he is there with you. He might be a fecalfeliac.

ExternalUseOnly 4

Sunday 22 September 2013 7:01

Fecalfeliac. Hmm, that is one word I could have been happy never knowing about. But...I will try and use it in a sentence this week....at work..... for educational purposes. :)

kylebownsyou 4

Sunday 22 September 2013 4:13

Definitely wants anal.

ashliilynise 11

Sunday 22 September 2013 4:15

surprise buttsex

perdix 29

Sunday 22 September 2013 7:07

#51, I think he ruined the surprise, but there's no Internet meme called "foreshadowed buttseks."

dcgriffith_fml 7

Sunday 22 September 2013 4:17

One word. Anal

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The Top

Today, I took my motorbike out for the first time ever, after having waited for five weeks for it to be returned from the mechanics. Three hours later and I crashed after getting caught in the rain and hitting an oil patch on the road. Looks like I won't be riding until it's fixed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 166

Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 991

You deserved it 2 609

The Top

Today, after six months of doing the job of 2 people, because all my coworker does is sleep and sit down with her phone, I told my boss that I can't be doing my coworker's job and getting the same salary as her. My boss added just $10 to my salary and told me to let her carry on doing nothing, while I still do the work of 2 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 127

Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 335

You deserved it 3 849

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going well until I noticed a picture of a dog hanging on the wall, which reminded me of the ending of Marley and Me. I started crying and had to be escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 007

You deserved it 79 852

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 207

You deserved it 29 087

Today, I had a coworker shout profanities at me and say he was going to punch me in the face. HR tells me they have a no tolerance policy, and I needed to stop being passive aggressive. He's the active aggressor with anger problems, but who isn't being reprimand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 101

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 786

You deserved it 5 121