FML - The Follow-Up

Hey guys. It's the OP Nothing really serious happened because of my brain fart, but I'm now thinking it'll be a inside joke at work. The car I was driving was insured, and it was just a small dent. I was asked the questions back at work (company policy) so, if I was drunk, they wouldn't have to get police involved with me staying at the company.

hey guys OP again so like I said in my first comment I really wasn't social during that time. when my husband deploys I don't stay in the town we are stationed, there's no point in me staying alone with no one and two kids if I can move closer to family and at the very least have someone around for emergencies. so that's probably a big reason no one came. but bright side of life she still had fun, she had a second party with family and on her actual birthday her and I went out caught a movie and other stuff so she's not scared by any means. Either way i really appreciate all of the support and kind words, yall rock!

Haha oh gosh this was my FML. To clarify yes I am experienced I have worked there for 8 months so far which was a few more months experience than the server in the FML, and I'm practically a veteran there as most of our staff leave in a few months I was in a bit of a rush because we were busy and while it isn't my job to bus tables for the servers I do it to help them out so I was a little peeved that this server would say something like that to a customer when I had been cleaning most of his tables for him. It was pretty funny and I went over to the customer and we had a good laugh about it.

Haha this got published. So I turn around and the 8 people I work with started to clap. They said I have a good voice as well. I think they were most interested because I am usually pretty reserved and quiet. They invited me out to karaoke this weekend lol! And I was singing Johnny Cash songs btw. My voice is fairly deep so I think I can do his amazing songs justice.

OP here, don't know how to make this comment "OP Official" but anyway. I didn't download or torrent it, it was just a quick search. Apparently there's a huge industry for box office hit themed pornos. Our internet only opened up to a suddenlink page about the "copyright infringement" and all I had to do was check a box that we wouldn't do it again. Problem solved. Mild embarrassment, worth the laugh. And worth getting an FML published.

OP here! I didn't think my FML would get posted so I didn't create an account until now, haha. First, thank you all for your suggestions and understanding! Now, to clarify some things...(long comment incoming!) 1. I actually started researching for this assignment on Christmas (My family doesn't celebrate Christmas or New Years so I had no holiday celebrations to distract me). The institutional login went down on the 31st of December and during that time, I had just finished reading textbooks and articles on the Cognitive Metaphor Theory and have only started to look for articles related to my text and such. So yes, I spent 6 days reading up and researching more on the theory because I didn't understand it. Although I'm a second year English major, English is not my first language and it definitely isn't my country's national language either, so I had some trouble with certain words and concepts. 2. My classes officially ended after the first week of December, my class had consultations with our lecturers in the following week. It's not encouraged to start writing essays before the consultations because our ideas can be rejected and in Year 2, rejection is a high probability because we "need to be more unique" and "everything has been done to death". Also, paying attention in class rarely (in my experience) helps in university, especially for a course like mine because what you learn in class may never be applied in your essays. But yes, I actually did go and see my lecturer to have her explain things to me after each class, the unfortunate thing is that she speaks in a roundabout way so even when I ask her to clarify things further, it still makes no sense. Hence I often end up learning everything again by myself. 3. I had a 3000 word essay on Victorian Literature on top of this Stylistics essay. It's completely my fault for underestimating how much time and research I needed on my assignments (I spent two whole weeks on my Vic Lit essay) because I thought that my anxiety and perfectionist-tendencies wouldn't go insane this time round. 4. The Institutional login issue is a campus-wide one. Despite this, none of my classmates and I have the balls ask for a deadline extension. Prior to this issue, it has already been extended by a day and most of us don't want to bother our lecturer since she's the nicest one and the only one who really cares so far. She's also new and has done a lot for us (as in helping us catch up with the basics we weren't taught in Year 1 so that we can understand Stylistics). Also, as soon as it opened, I went over to the library to ask about what happened and they told me that the IT department decided to "restart" the servers, which I find ridiculous because it's less than a week away from examinations period and the majority of the university have their assignments due before examinations period starts. 5. My classmates are unfortunately on the same boat as I am, meaning, none of us get Stylistics enough to teach someone else. We've spent our entire time in Stylistics trying to catch up on the basics of Linguistics while learning Stylistics at the same time so a lot of whatever that's taught in Stylistics flew over our heads. 6. There's no "winter break" for my university because my country is a tropical country (which is weird because we have "summer break". Christmas is unfortunately also viewed as one of the minor holidays so no, there's no study break during Christmas as well, but it's still a public holiday. I hope that clears some things up! Also, I'm a 'she/her/female' :)

I might do that! Thanks for the suggestion. Good thing I haven't called her out on it yet. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing, though. It's been going on for years! And it's not like we are that intimate, or goof around much.

OP here, I wasn't logged in when I submitted this story, I hope the website will recognize my IP or something ! English isn't my native language, so I apologize in advance for the mistakes. I thought it had been rejected and was really surprised to read it in the FML list today ! 2017 is definitely starting well for me. My cat is a little devil, always has been, and probably always will be. Like #1, I'm used to having miaowing concertos all day and all night (I blame the siamese blood). And #10, yes she's incredibely smart (a bit too much), but it doesn't keep her from pooping on my bed/couch/carpet when she's annoyed at me, so maybe your cat is some kind of misunderstood genius as well ! Now, to all of you telling me to unplug it, here is the long version of the story : This story actually happened a while ago. I bought the piano around 2 years ago, never really got the chance to play it, and then lost the charger (?) so I couldn't play anymore. I only tried it once before loosing it, and the cat was fascinated, which is surprising because she usually hates music (she used to attack me, and not for playing, when I practiced my singing, and I had to give up on ever being able to play the whistle, harmonica or any kind of wind instrument because either she would miaow to death or run like hell to hide in the closet, and then revenge by pooping/peeing on something). Last november, I bought another charger, and as soon as I tried it, the cat went crazy, and spent the rest of the day sitting in front of the piano or climbing on it, waiting for it to make a sound. I didn't unplug it because basically the outlet is behind a bookshelf, so I have to crawl under the piano, manage to get my arm behind the shelf in the right angle to be able to push as hard as I can to get the darn thing in. So let's just say I won't do it everyday. Plus I knew she was smart, but I didn't think she'd be that smart ! So in the middle of the night (luckily I was having insomnias), I just heard the sound of the piano, and when I turned on the light saw the little furry monster jumping on it ! When she noticed me looking at her, she just miaowed happily and kept on jumping. I was laughing so much that I forgot to yell at her. After that, I just put my home phone to cover the button, so she wouldn't start again. But last week I must have pushed the phone a bit because she did it again (during the day this time), which gave me the idea for the FML :)

Didn't realize this got posted! But her parents knew we were out drinking so it wasn't a big deal :) it was just really late, like 3 or 4 in the morning, so she figured they'd be asleep. Felt pretty stupid when I woke up!

OP here, thank you all for the replies!! Just to confirm she's not religious at all or anything like that and acts as if she's really supportive to my face before going behind my back and acting as if it's demonic or something. The awkward part, though, is that my younger sister came out as lesbian a few years ago too, and my mother was more than happy to discuss her and her girlfriend, but despite myself having been out to her for 8 years now, she still seems to be really awkward about me dating guys. Also, to the few individuals who suggested that I must look like a girl, I'm more of a beard and suit sort of guy personally. On another note, thank you to those who suggested calling her my father and going into her work place in Drag; I'll be staying with her next month for a little while and may have to borrow one of my sister's dresses and cosplay wigs to roll up to her workplace - along with unshaven legs and face, whilst maintaining the usual booming man voice, of course.

Hey all, OP here, never thought I'd get a FML posted, so I guess this is another one to cross off my bucket list. lol Yes, as stated you can take an empty bottle through security and then fill it on the other side. Thanks for the funny comments, those made it more bearable. The hit hurt and left a small bump but I have a hard head so it's nothing major, and it was more shocking than anything, I had no clue what happened at first, just sudden pain. The guy with the water bottle was really apologetic and I could see he genuinely felt bad, so no hard feelings. Hopefully the new year will be better for us all! Happy New Years everyone!

Holy crap I finally got published! A little back ground, we knew that mom and her now husband had gotten a marriage license almost 2 months ago but had never gotten it signed (therefor not legally married). We had talked about it the week before and she had told me she didn't think she'd go through with it because he is an alcoholic (like her), abusive, and irresponsible. We were shocked and more then a little upset that she had gone through with it, and that she hadn't told anyone about it, but at this point we're all used to this kind of behavior and I haven't talked to her since.

OP here. I didn't create an account because I didn't think this would get posted. Thanks for making my day! I just wanted to clarify some things, especially about the olive oil and vinegar gift set. The father is Italian and appreciates a good bottle of vinegar and oil, I'm not talking about the regular kinds you can get at the supermarket, but olive oil that is cold pressed and infused with rosemary herbs, the vinegar is infused with dark espresso and they both gushed about it. Now, about the soap, it is not "fancy" or thoughtful, it was a square bar of soap (think Dial) in a Ziplock bag, the soap had no wrappings. Had I not notice the foul odor coming from the armpit area of the dress, I would have agreed that the dress probably just absorbed some of the smell from her house, but in this case, I highly doubt it. Also, the dress tag was put in through a thread loop, not through the fabrics, and the tag was already yellowed with stains. The Coach leather bag itself had a strong leather smell, but what I smelled was something resembling sweaty feet, the purse had dried white stains on it and parts of the leather was scratched up. Needless to say, you won't see me wearing any of those things on New Years Eve. Happy Holidays everyone!

OP here. There have been a few questions, so I will take the time to answer them. First off, my siblings are 9 and 11 (I am a whopping 10 years older than them. Yay me.), so at this age I would like for them to keep being happy and innocent on Christmas and not associate it with the day their family was torn apart. In the case of my mom, she wasn't caught, but the reason I was the one who had to hide everything was because she was being heavily medicated after having a surgery and almost let it slip the night before. My dad has cheated on my mother multiple times and has not treated her very well, so I can understand why she would cheat and I don't pity him. I guess I've dealt with my mom crying over him for so long that I've seen this coming and it is karma. No matter what happens from here, I will not allow my siblings to be sad and have their family torn from them on Christmas because the adults don't know how to adult.

Wow my first fml. Let me try explain my stupidity. So I work in the floral department at a grocery store. Yes I have blown up regular balloons but never the life size ones. I had seen 1 time before of a coworker using a manual air inflator in one we had on display, so I just assumed we'd use it in all parts. The lady was hovering over me the entire time so that added to me being nervous. I finished and realized I had to put weights on it...and that's when I realized I did something wrong. The lady was yelling at me "What is wrong?!" Like she could even help. And then commanding I get someone over here who knows what goes in it, (but all my floral managers were not here) and I told her that so she proceeded to tell me to call another store...Long story short she was really mad at me understandably for the amount of time I took. And I did tell her from the beginning I've never done one of these before...But luckily there was a coworker in returns who knew how to blow it up so she blew up a new one. It's helium in everything except the gun, and a leg. So it doesn't completely fly away. It doesn't seem difficult at all. Just the anxiety of being watched as you're trying to learn something new. Oh and my title for this fml I was still trying to work on it but accidentally sent it to moderation, whoops

Hey guys OP here (I had posted anonymously without an account before). To clarify what happened, I was about a car's length away from the SUV in front of me, stopped at a red light. I was hit by an SUV and I had a Saturn sedan... that's why it ended up crunched and totaled. When he hit me I flew backwards and my seat lock failed, collapsing my seat into the back bench. I hit my head and blacked out. When I regained consciousness my foot had come off my brake, causing me to run into the SUV in front of me with the impact. I immediately put my car in park and put on my E lights when I woke up. Paramedics were eventually called onto the scene after police came to check me out. I was having an anxiety attack right after it occurred, so was not in a mental state to call 911, and the guy who hit me's phone died just after he hit me. He was super concerned and took full responsibility, and yelled at the lady in front of us for not checking if we needed paramedics before calling 911. My air bag did not deploy, but I was checked out by paramedics and got a ride to the hospital. I'm doing alright now, with just a mild concussion and a sprained neck. Thank you all for the concern! :) now it's just about figuring out getting money together to get another car!

If you have any questions or want further details please let me know and I'll try to reply to all the comments.

Alright, so a lot of you guys are wondering why I would lend my notes to my competition - there were three reasons. 1. This internship was also part of our graduation requirements, and she was a really nice girl. I didn't want her to fail so I would lend her my notes when she forgot to write something for that day just so she could have a refresher. 2. The people I worked with at the company made it sound like there was NO WAY she could beat me out - my mentor had worked with her and said she was constantly invading personal space and making it difficult to work with. So I thought it wouldn't be that harmful to make sure she got a good grade. 3. I was told that I needed to be friendlier with the other interns, eat lunch with them, and help them out more rather than actually working with the other people in the company and getting to know the other employees. It didn't seem to matter that my mentors were giving me actual work to do... Honestly, I'm not too disappointed, I'm working on my PhD application right now, and so hopefully I'll have some better news soon.

I didn't mean to sound like I'm sulking. Just naturally the couples will stay together and have conversations that I can't relate to. This usually leaves me with no social participation and makes for a pretty boring day. I love both my sister's boyfriend and sister-in-law and don't mean to say that I wish either were gone. Also, our family has a very sweet, loving, and sadly high-maintenance dog, so it's probably for the better that I'm there to make sure he gets his medicines throughout the day. I hope that clears up the FML a little! Happy holidays!

Hey guys, just a lil bit of clarification. I was holding onto the tree to get a good look at the blue tongue (which was over half a metre long). We're not normally afraid of her, she's come into our house (which I'll put a picture of in my profile). It's just that that day I was too near her hidey hole so she chased me. I was in the tree havin a little stare-down with her when I must have moved a little too high up because this possum comes out of no where right up into my face. Scared the shit out of me so I ****** legged it inside. I'm also 16 so I don't have a heap of options about where I live lol

Thank you! You too. At least I know where I stand with the company now.

OP here, thanks for the kind words y'all. Just to clear up a few things, I ordered this shirt back in November and it was supposed to be delivered to my dorm in early December. When it didn't arrive, I contacted the company and they agreed to ship another one to my home address, since it would be delivered after I left for break. It seems like there was some kind of mix-up on their end, as their "your package was delivered" email lists my home address but the UPS tracking number shows it was delivered to my dorm. Unfortunately, first-year housing at my school operates mail out of a mailroom, which is closed until January since first years are not allowed to stay in dorms over winter break. So I think that even if I made the drive out to get it, the package would probably be inaccessible to me. Oh well ¯_(ツ)_/¯

OP here. I HAVE asked several times to stop. They called me a ***** in response. The law here allows loud music until 11 on weekdays (this was Thursday) and midnight on weekends. As mentioned, this was the millionth or so party so clearly I knew nothing would help. Also, as I am one person against several drunks, I am in a disadvantage here. Not a coward, just a logical person.

The dog was in the neighbors property "chasing the livestock" she told animal control when in reality the dog was playing with the horse. I went out to retrieve my dog when she shot. Probably didn't see me. The dog has escaped several times to several locations the past three years

Didn't have an account at the type of posting this, but uh hey OP here. My pupper is about 7 years old, and hasn't really done anything close to this before; sure she has growled if you get near her bone, but this was quite a surprise. After she bit me she was a bit grumpy the rest of the day, but seems to be fine now so I'm not sure what caused her to assault me while I slept. To anyone concerned about the bite it's pretty much healed up, can only see a scratch or two left behind on my cheek.

When we were together it was constant comments about how I was barely staying afloat and "how could I take care of her if I could barely take care of myself?". I was trying everything I could to make her happy but she would not let it go. It ended up being part of the reason we split. That was almost a year ago. I now work for a great company and make really good money. I just bought my car last month. I see her coming out of the store and all those talks came shooting back into my head. I just wanted her to see me happy and doing well....ok I wanted her to feel dumb and regret splitting up. Nevertheless I blared the music and slowly rolled right into a car backing out. Luckily it barely scratched it. I saw no regret in her eyes, laughter yes, regret no. So yes I deserved it. Karma sucks.

Life is good, life is great, life is full of stitches...

OP here! Happy it got posted! It wasn't a custom made dress, most brides in Brazil prefer that the bridesmaids are not all matching. I had a really hard time finding something that I could wear, and that dress was the only formal dress with belly space I could find. I tried it on with a pillow when I bought it a few months ago! 3 days before it fit perfectly, I was shocked how bigger I had gotten in just 3 days! In the end I made it work, just couldn't breath so easily. After the ceremony, I opened the zipper a little and put a jacket on, so I was comfortable!

Of course out of all the FMLs I've submitted through the years - this is the one that went through. Anyway, I'm better now! On top of that, I got hit with the flu like a truck. No laxatives, stool softeners, magnesium, enemas, etc helped and between that circle of hell I ended up going to the ER. Ended up literally tearing myself a new one with an anal fissure. I've never been constipated before so this was awful. Oh also my first day back, our entire building was shut down and we all were laid off. Happy Holidays everyone!

Hey guys OP here! Unfortunately I live in Texas and license plates are required on both front and back of vehicles :( He was driving illegally hence why he hit me and took off, the cop also said he was texting since I was parked whenever he hit my car, the trunk is dented in from the back and top is caved since he was driving a lifted SUV and I can no longer open it without causing further damage Thanks for the concern, i am fine ?