Just Hanging On By FML Approved - 20/10/2017 20:30 It'll get better. Eventually. I agree, your life sucks 401 You deserved it 107 Share Tweet Share
Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her Twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML I agree, your life sucks 32 645 You deserved it 3 028
Today, my wife of 21 years fell asleep while we were about to have sex for the eighth time this month. Turns out she can't and won't have sex with me because she has hickies all over her tits and she'd consider it cheating on her new boyfriend, who she just met. I tried to jack off but she fell asleep on my penis, and that was that. FML I agree, your life sucks 422 You deserved it 345
Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML I agree, your life sucks 49 298 You deserved it 4 807
Today, I was using my flashlight app in the driveway to avoid stepping in puddles, as my new shoes are untreated suede. I dropped my phone in the puddle instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 6 550 You deserved it 2 035
Today, I blanked and forgot to take out my piercing before going for my MRI, even though the nurses asked me multiple times to make sure I had no metal on me before entering, you know, the big machine made of massive electromagnets. The piercing was on my clitoris. FML I agree, your life sucks 396 You deserved it 1 662
Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML I agree, your life sucks 31 137 You deserved it 71 687
Today, I shattered my ankle while mountain biking with my boyfriend. As I lay writhing on the ground, waiting for the ambulance, he traced the outline of my thigh and said, "You should get this suctioned out while you're in the hospital." FML I agree, your life sucks 1 115 You deserved it 142
If that was my kid, I'd tell him to get up and walk.