Love, Money and Roommate: Shut your pie hole, please - FML

Shut your pie hole, please

By An unemployed doorman - 14/02/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I have to listen to my flatmate complaining that ladies don’t shag him anymore since his dad in Saudi Arabia cut him off. Apparently, they show a lot of interest until he reveals his financial situation. The dude actually thought he was God's gift to women instead of a mobile ATM. What a tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 137

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/03/2015 08:55 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend she's too good for me, then asking if she wants to settle for someone like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 937

You deserved it 2 658

By WayToGoDaddyHo - 08/07/2015 06:17 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 964

You deserved it 1 830

Bills bills bills

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 12:00

Today, my dad snooped at my payslip and now he keeps calling me a tight cunt who should contribute more. This from the man who smokes 50 a day but hasn’t had full-time employment since 2009. Plus I pay rent, and the gas and electric when he can’t afford to, which is every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 03/01/2016 14:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 142

You deserved it 1 933

Growing old disgracefully

By adam - 05/12/2015 14:54 - Czech Republic

Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 261

You deserved it 1 558

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 03:44 - Australia

Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 609

You deserved it 2 889

Supportive

By katerina - 29/11/2013 22:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents talking about me and discussing how I've never had a boyfriend. My mum laughed that maybe they should pay someone to go out with me, and my dad replied, "Heh, not enough money in the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 362

You deserved it 4 210

By jakeson12 - 24/11/2012 00:38 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 3 536

Bad women's anatomy

By real nice pal - 09/04/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, I confronted my dad about his horrible attitude toward women. I pointed out that a man with as many sisters and daughters as he has, shouldn’t refer to women who’ve had children as “damaged goods”. He laughed and said, “Ah well, once it’s been blown out, it’s no good to anyone.” Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 182

Alexa, play "Rent" by Pet Shop Boys

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 08:01

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend even stays with me if he’s not interested in marriage or children, hates my family, barely talks to me when he gets home, and seems uninterested in sex. Apparently, the cheap rent on my flat was his sole interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 261

Next

Top comments

TwoBytesCarley 26

Sunday 14 February 2021 22:35

More like a F His Life...

juggalo2 20

Tuesday 16 February 2021 5:45

Sounds like it's an F his life for being a tool and whining about it instead of fixing it.

Comments

TwoBytesCarley 26

Sunday 14 February 2021 22:35

More like a F His Life...

juggalo2 20

Tuesday 16 February 2021 5:45

Sounds like it's an F his life for being a tool and whining about it instead of fixing it.

Keywords

Haircut Work Awkward Health Neighbours Mental health Love Weird Dating Doctor Christmas Parenting Kids My ex Instagram Social Media Break-ups Crush Sex Money Shopping AITA Anxiety Intimacy Wanker DIY Relatable Miscellaneous Weather Cars

The Top

Today, I was ecstatic that the pregnancy test I took was negative. I went to high-five my boyfriend as I told him the good news. Apparently, it’s monstrous, unladylike and weird for a woman to not want children. When I pointed out he doesn’t want kids either, he said, "That’s normal for guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 248

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 929

You deserved it 3 037

The Top

Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 288

You deserved it 28 264

Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 047

You deserved it 3 706

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 336

Today, after I was gentrified out of my rent-controlled San Francisco apartment on June 1st by speculators, which I could only afford because of the rent control, I haven’t been able to find a new place yet. I've been living in hotels off a small settlement, but money ran out last week so now I’m on the streets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 351

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 615

You deserved it 46 749

Today, and for the last year, I have a disfiguring scar on my nose that I’m very self conscious about. My 4 year-old niece recently noticed it. Now every time she sees me she leans in real close and says, “What’s wrong with your face?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 74