Health, Dogs and Animals: Instant cure - FML

Instant cure

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 573

You deserved it 4 942

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

You played yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 096

You deserved it 49 192

Second class citizen

By crapped on - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 549

You deserved it 4 255

Rewind time

By supersmashpika - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 664

You deserved it 9 983

The ending of Lost explained

By Morgan - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 859

You deserved it 30 044

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 241

You deserved it 1 253

Hands off parenting

By iloveyoutoomom - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 600

You deserved it 3 572

A tad overbearing

By nehadrihan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oceanside

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 794

You deserved it 3 455

Self defence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 105

You deserved it 2 479

By uninvited - 04/02/2016 15:16 - United States - Boston

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 254

You deserved it 1 747

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 978

You deserved it 46 583

Next

Top comments

eviiee_fml 3

Monday 26 July 2010 9:02

this is a fml for the dog not you. poor puppy :(

ActionManly 11

Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

What a CAT-astrophe! Wait, wrong pun...

Comments

ncvolley123 8

Monday 26 July 2010 9:22

awwww, poor puppy. I feel sorry for u. but, how do u get a pic on FML?

LexSwift 17

Monday 26 July 2010 9:26

Awww!! :( Poor puppy.

ncvolley123 8

Monday 26 July 2010 9:29

64, u have sexy hair.

the_flirtt 0

Monday 26 July 2010 9:37

haha agree

eviiee_fml 3

Monday 26 July 2010 9:39

hahaha smartass

the_flirtt 0

Monday 26 July 2010 9:51

don't deny the 69 ;)

Stevefett 0

Monday 26 July 2010 14:39

69-64 looks like he needs to wash that hair and that style sucks!!!

Daniel21_9 0

Monday 26 July 2010 9:28

Such an all round sad FML :(

ilynorrington 0

Monday 26 July 2010 9:32

awww poor puppy!! :(

peedxdxdx 0

Monday 26 July 2010 9:37

well. did it cheer you up

7g23 0

Monday 26 July 2010 9:38

That is hilarious. I doubt that it was a puppy, i think you said that to have a sadder fml. Either way don't worry about it, the dog's life was insignificant.

JockeyGirl 0

Monday 26 July 2010 9:43

wth?! is it okay????? omigoshhhhhhhh!

HappyPickles 11

Monday 26 July 2010 9:44

Hot dog with ice cream for afters! That'll cheer almost *anybody* up! :o)

mjolene 0

Monday 26 July 2010 9:46

aw that's sad.

cmac86 23

Monday 26 July 2010 9:46

oh man I am so sorry! a few years ago a cat ran out 5feet in front of my car. I couldn't stop, and I ran over the cat. to this day I still feel sick about it. I know it sucks, but at least you didn't hit it maliciously.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Work Job interview Money Animals Scams Cars Miscellaneous Health Painful Allergies Vegan Customers Kids Landlords Politics Transportation Airplanes Airport Embarrassing Technology Healthy Lifestyle Sports Poopoo peepee Gross Toilet Intimacy Sex Cheating Grandparents Sadness

The Top

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 273

You deserved it 10 654

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as "Dad" to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in, or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 668

You deserved it 329

The Top

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 260

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 206

You deserved it 20 490

Today, I had the most amazing lesbian sex of my life with this girl I had been crushing on for so long. Today is also the day I became practically homeless, courtesy of my parents, who apparently never heard of knocking before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 332

Today, I'm feeling extremely sick and itchy. I'd bought rats as pets to help with my anxiety, and they gave me ringworm. I now have ringworm in about nine places on my body, including my face. I don’t know which one is worse, being dizzy from the medication or the itching. I’m feeling more anxious than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 588

Today, I was driving on the highway and a cop had his radar gun out. The woman in front of me panics and slams her brakes on, causing me to rear end her. The cop cited me for "tailgating" and I have to pay for the damages on both of our cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 178

You deserved it 21 096

Today, I came home to a flooded apartment and water still pouring from the ceiling. The woman who lives above me is shocked that I would consider her responsible for the damage and doesn't think she should have to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 643

You deserved it 1 853