Intimacy: New one

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 430

You deserved it 457

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Same thing different taste

Disinterested

By lily - 13/09/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 340

By weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 619

You deserved it 7 989

By MulticoloredSlug - 13/10/2016 10:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 416

You deserved it 1 407

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 777

You deserved it 6 794

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 308

By stellarshaun - 16/01/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 261

You deserved it 10 897

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 185

You deserved it 47 567

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 22:00

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 292

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 444

You deserved it 3 750

Language of love

By TheGirl - 23/11/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 342

You deserved it 3 946

lovelyhippos 15

Friday 7 February 2020 20:02

Where did he get the yogurt from? Did you not notice him stop to go get yogurt?

Steve Knight 13

Saturday 8 February 2020 6:21

Gives a new meaning to yoplait.

Comments

lovelyhippos 15

Friday 7 February 2020 20:02

Where did he get the yogurt from? Did you not notice him stop to go get yogurt?

Kraths 16

Friday 7 February 2020 20:41

Maybe he was just skipping to the creampie.

ahabsfan 14

Friday 7 February 2020 21:15

Is he Greek? They have very tasty yogurt.

zhawk316 5

Friday 7 February 2020 22:10

No they don’t

fjvitt 14

Friday 7 February 2020 21:19

It will balance the pH...

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 8 February 2020 1:43

It's better than "I was hoping for something live and active down there."

Chelsea Grice 5

Saturday 8 February 2020 4:16

Steve Knight 13

Saturday 8 February 2020 6:21

Gives a new meaning to yoplait.

J15237 25

Monday 10 February 2020 21:24

Wow. What the **** was your man thinking. Maybe he was going to eat it out of you or something?

Pycnogonida 16

Monday 10 February 2020 21:29

This idiot has no concept of consent *or* yeast infections. Methinks OP can do better.

AnaBae 5

Saturday 24 April 2021 19:23

Yogurt helps yeast infections go away

purplepixie23 16

Wednesday 12 February 2020 22:35

Poured yogurt? Have ya’ll ever tried to ‘pour’ yogurt? And was she doing a headstand?

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The Top

Today, I told my crush how I felt. He said, “Sorry, I don’t feel the same way. But you’re an amazing girl, and you deserve a guy who will treat you like a queen.” I asked him, “Well, why can’t you be that guy then?” He pretended to have a coughing fit and “suddenly remembered” he had to be somewhere and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 1 057

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You deserved it 11

The Top

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 255

You deserved it 2 253

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled, "Hello?" There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 966

You deserved it 36 389

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn’t believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 870

You deserved it 575

Today, I got dressed up in my best attire and drove an hour to my family Christmas, only to find out it was canceled, and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 91

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 863

You deserved it 290

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 842

You deserved it 17 927