Intimacy: Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I... - FML

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 728

You deserved it 57 239

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Same thing different taste

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 18:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 264

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 415

You deserved it 7 435

By Handblocked - 04/09/2018 06:00

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 385

You deserved it 613

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 826

You deserved it 234

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 204

By Embarassed - 10/09/2009 05:32 - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 582

You deserved it 8 109

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 182

You deserved it 53 398

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Spicy

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 552

You deserved it 6 819

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 133

By Ned - 29/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 507

You deserved it 3 883

Next

Top comments

kraine0712 2

Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:11

Wow poor vibrator. This should be the vibrators FML. Today, some chick was using me and it was going really well. Then she fell asleep with me still running, now my batteries are dead. I have a job interview tomorrow. FML.

ayooBrandon 12

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:07

I can't imagine how wet your sheets are

Comments

snapperhead 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:55

time to get a boyfriend or girlfriend?

BIEBERSLAYER 10

Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:55

you are so ready for marriage

HomeAl0ne 20

Thursday 14 July 2011 1:05

Exactly! I imagine that vibrator is called "The Husband".

corrinaswan 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:57

one word... wow

tacoboy98 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:23

that's three lol

mrjude 3

Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:58

I am not seeing the FML?

wilwoodemt 2

Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:59

so you fell asleep doing what millions of drunk guys do every day..... welcome to the human race

McBride_510 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:00

umm… first time an FML has turned me on lol

Shawvnasty 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:00

How do you ask yourself if it was good for you?

rebelvamp420 14

Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:03

well atleast your vibrator was still there! lol

MissRoxiie 12

Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:06

next time use your hands.

Abstract13apple 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 8:36

is that what you do?

iLuvBBW 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:02

vibrators are so much better!

OkayImSorry 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 5:39

Oh damn. You are far more than beautiful...

MissRoxiie 12

Friday 15 July 2011 21:15

wht would i tell you anyway?

ganjaone 2

Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:09

that's hot ;)

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Keywords

Work Job interview Money Animals Scams Miscellaneous Cars Health Painful Allergies Vegan Customers Kids Landlords Politics Airport Transportation Airplanes Embarrassing Technology Healthy Lifestyle Sports Poopoo peepee Gross Toilet Cheating Intimacy Sex Grandparents Sadness

The Top

Today, I found out that the drop dead gorgeous fun bubbly woman I hit it off with is actually a disgusting, scheming whore who seduces married men, then blackmails them for money. I can’t afford to pay her, nor can I afford my wife to find out. I’m screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 1 628

Today, I'm broke and just started working in a restaurant at a luxury hotel. On my first day, the director had told me to get rid of my blue dyed hair. Back at work with a new fresh 57€ cut and no blue in sight, he saw me. I have some blonde streaks in the back, and if I don't get rid of them within a week, I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 270

The Top

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 012

You deserved it 3 968

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 804

You deserved it 982

Today, I was having a romantic conversation with my boyfriend under the stars. He said, "You know how there are people who are beautiful on the inside and people who are beautiful on the outside? Yeah, well you're one of those 'inside' people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 717

You deserved it 4 612

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 253

You deserved it 5 559

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 706

You deserved it 4 140

Today, I shaved my legs. I received endless compliments about how great they looked, and how jealous all the girls were. I'm a guy who shaved them for a themed party, for which I dressed up as a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 887

You deserved it 10 051