Intimacy, Sex and Movies: Nice!

Nice!

By kill me now - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 272

You deserved it 6 859

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Wickls - 18/12/2008 08:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 29 348

By Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 016

You deserved it 1 713

Blown job

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:30 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 941

You deserved it 339 236

By the critic - 18/06/2012 10:22 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 344

You deserved it 6 017

By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 106

You deserved it 7 249

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 1 926

What is the real feeling?

By Anonymous - 06/11/2019 05:15

Today, my friends and I were acting out porn scenes without sex. Then, I realized that we all watch too much porn, and we are still all virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 2 449

Hmmm, twins

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 704

You deserved it 4 140

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 965

You deserved it 1 553

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 314

You deserved it 29 203

organizse 28

Monday 16 January 2017 21:41

That really blows.

nainai_09 14

Monday 16 January 2017 21:43

Wtf ?

Comments

pikachurr 1

Tuesday 17 January 2017 6:30

I really hope Simon Pegg sees this ?

VeryCreativeName 3

Tuesday 17 January 2017 8:08

<p>Even Shaun of The Dead?</p>

bigdaddyeric 35

Tuesday 17 January 2017 8:52

Who is Simon Pegg?

Greycatsister 12

Tuesday 17 January 2017 13:45

I'm actually kind of impressed.

RainbowSnake 7

Tuesday 17 January 2017 13:48

Hey look on the bright side...it wasn't every Twilight movie!

jkjorn 15

Tuesday 17 January 2017 15:32

<p>Could be worse- you could've pegged to every Simon Suxx movie.</p>

Starlight8 14

Tuesday 17 January 2017 16:40

Was it during HOT FUZZ movie?

caliguy08 17

Tuesday 17 January 2017 17:23

Seriously FML??? This is the kind of stuff you let through?

hockeystar1234 8

Tuesday 17 January 2017 20:06

Awkwardly arousing

fran3364 0

Tuesday 17 January 2017 22:05

I've sucked dick to every Kevin hart stand up

Keywords

Awkward Work Haircut Mental health Neighbours Health Weird Dating Love Doctor Kids Parenting Christmas My ex Social Media Instagram Break-ups Sex Crush AITA Shopping Money Intimacy Anxiety Wanker DIY Relatable Cars Weather Miscellaneous

The Top

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 983

You deserved it 1 630

Today, I realized that I'm head over heels in love with my coworker. She's funny, caring, sweet, and the best person I've ever met. We're also both married. I dream about her every night, and the stress of not being able to tell her has overtaken my PTSD, making it impossible to sleep and barely function. Fuck Love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 557

The Top

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 994

You deserved it 3 588

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substitution cipher, using literary references. As they're both literature professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 049

You deserved it 2 545

Today, I got a lot of tips at work, but little did I know our boss takes it out of our paychecks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 129

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 358

You deserved it 4 646

Today, my friends and I were going to Applebee's. A girl we don't like invited herself along. She waited for my friend outside of the bathroom, forced her to drive her, and said, "It's okay someone will pay for me." She then ate off of everyone's plate and left before the bill came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 108

You deserved it 3 779

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 017

You deserved it 3 397