Animals: Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead,...

By XxEmoWolfiexX - 24/05/2012 21:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 862

You deserved it 2 619

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Zamaria - 02/10/2009 22:23 - France

Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 737

You deserved it 3 354

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 4 622

Scaredy cat

By Luke - 15/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 206

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 136

You deserved it 3 230

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

By MistofAvalon - 24/04/2020 14:00

Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 290

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 00:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 205

You deserved it 3 810

Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 14:00

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 332

Rise and shine

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 275

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 206

You deserved it 3 615

By Noname - 30/01/2009 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 799

You deserved it 3 075

nelds 12

Friday 25 May 2012 8:32

Haha your dad sounds funny.

roseXthorns 8

Friday 25 May 2012 8:33

Hopefully she didn't impale you with razor sharp claws.

Comments

lovepandorasaver 11

Friday 25 May 2012 19:29

Dads are definitely getting cooler these days, I will be one of them for sure haha.

Rainbow_dumpster 28

Friday 25 May 2012 19:51

Your dad is hilarious! =D FYL, though.

kitsune3 20

Friday 25 May 2012 20:08

XD Dick move on your dad's part, but that's funny.

winnerme123 8

Saturday 26 May 2012 0:30

Could of been worse Trust me

capnbzarr 43

Saturday 26 May 2012 4:58

Wake him up tomorrow by taking a dump on his face.

peniiis 8

Sunday 27 May 2012 7:42

I hate the fact that I can relate to this so well.

mikachoo 0

Sunday 27 May 2012 20:18

I would do that.... lmfao

Teagle 3

Monday 28 May 2012 6:31

Good idea. I think I have something to use on my girlfriend someday :)

funnytruth 0

Tuesday 5 June 2012 6:24

Lol your dad is very funny

alexdr5398 5

Tuesday 26 June 2012 22:50

best way to wake someone up ever :D

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The Top

Today, it's been two days since firefighters broke into my friend's home to get her out. She has health issues rendering her disabled and immobile. She was living amongst her own feces and urine, mould, rats eating her feet, etc. She told me about the filth three days ago, and now blames me for everything since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 126

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 983

You deserved it 1 629

The Top

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 900

You deserved it 2 881

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 026

You deserved it 39 305

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 327

You deserved it 9 355

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 388

You deserved it 2 726

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 984

You deserved it 13 232

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 353

You deserved it 5 622