Health: Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one...

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 18:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 692

You deserved it 3 407

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Same thing different taste

By iusedprotectionanyway - 21/03/2014 21:44 - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 233

You deserved it 3 513

By fuck - 21/04/2012 02:48 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 921

You deserved it 4 078

By nl4 - 01/11/2013 23:55 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 903

You deserved it 56 260

By LagSwitchFTW - 25/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 080

You deserved it 6 013

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 793

You deserved it 25 010

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 3 659

Father-son bonding

By Anonymous - 28/02/2024 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was dragged by my dad to the gun range for his pipe dream of a competitive shooting team. Apparently, plinking away on .22s while he and his ex-military buddies compare guns and trade sci-fi war stories until 7 PM is more important than the two research papers I'd set aside to write. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 150

Risky

By Josh - 13/10/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I thought it would be fun to join my friends for a game of paintball. I got shot in the same spot three times in a row. It turned out to be my own team, who mistook me for the enemy because I was wearing… camouflage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 204

By AquaRevolver - 25/05/2009 10:35 - New Zealand

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 694

You deserved it 54 444

Sorry

By FailedSniper - 22/03/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having, I shot at him with the sniper gun I'd bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was OK. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 151

You deserved it 53 992

PenguinBitch 43

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:58

Shoot him in his steroid-shrunken balls.

jkmartinjk 16

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:55

That was an EXTREME amount of adjectives.

Comments

jkmartinjk 16

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:55

That was an EXTREME amount of adjectives.

chanellgymnast 17

Sunday 3 March 2013 3:18

Lol at "fucknut"

Nekogami 14

Sunday 3 March 2013 3:41

I think pleogasm is more accurate considering he likely considers this fml an eyegasm. Hehe.

EsotericBrent 29

Sunday 3 March 2013 5:17

I love the anger in this one, so vivid.

AKGirlinSD 20

Sunday 3 March 2013 11:24

^I agree with you. I had a movie scene all played out,in my head, while reading the FML post.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Sunday 3 March 2013 12:42

Pleonasm where the heck are you!? You've been summoned!

Eliseopwns 22

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:56

He shoulda just knifed instead. Either way, FYL. Sorry man.

Reaper1984 13

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:57

its only legal if he yells WA POW

picante72 24

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:02

Or "CLOTHESLINE!!"

Axipiter 24

Sunday 3 March 2013 3:24

Or "Roadhouse".

JakeyRage 5

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:19

Or "Take a seat BITCH!"

MrPlopper 9

Sunday 3 March 2013 4:43

I kept thinking of that joke "it's not rape if you say surprise" as I was reading these.

hipsterhunter 9

Sunday 3 March 2013 8:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

vocaloidtiger 12

Sunday 3 March 2013 9:14

77 - No.

BradTheBrony 19

Sunday 3 March 2013 21:58

Or "myparentsareDEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" in a really deep, rough voice.

Bubbelz 25

Sunday 3 March 2013 23:58

Or "Trustfall!".

picante72 24

Monday 4 March 2013 1:10

116-I got the reference. THIS ISN'T A CAAAARRR!!

PenguinBitch 43

Sunday 3 March 2013 1:58

Shoot him in his steroid-shrunken balls.

WingedLovely27 20

Wednesday 6 November 2013 22:33

He wouldn't have balls to shoot at anyway!

picante72 24

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:01

Why does he even carry a gun if he isn't going to shoot it?

Isoldael 27

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:02

Maybe he broke OP's shoulder first and then shot him?

Eliseopwns 22

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:03

Unless you're playing the "pro" type of paintball (speedball) shooting at close range is highly discouraged. You're supposed to make your opponent surrender at close range.

Catkam623 27

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:08

You can also bunker if you're playing advanced.

lambda_fml 40

Sunday 3 March 2013 8:54

#8 those are the side effects of taking steriods. If you take steriods you cant use your 'Gun'.

teddy4nyy 13

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:03

Exactly what I was thinking. Sue that bastard.

BeccaHugs 17

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:06

Make him pay for the medical bills. Shit's expensive.

Pretty_reckless_fml 18

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:43

He's from the UK :) we have the NHS here, so it's free

gc327072 30

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:44

Manure is actually pretty cheap.

Devilpuppy0861 7

Sunday 3 March 2013 12:32

Yay 35, now he can wait 6 months to be treated. God bless socialized medicine, us plebeians are to dimwitted to take care of ourselves without big brother to tell us what to do.

Fsvb 32

Sunday 3 March 2013 13:45

@95 If I understand you correctly, yes, a lot of people are to dumb to take care of themselves.

little_one 20

Sunday 3 March 2013 16:16

Yes god bless socialized medicine. It saves lives and when you are in possibly the worst situation of your life you don't need to choose between bankruptcy or your child's life. If I cut off my finger I wouldn't have to pony up thousands of dollars to have it reattached how awful! Who would want that! *eyeroll*

Pretty_reckless_fml 18

Sunday 3 March 2013 23:25

Whatever man I'm just ****** glad we have the NHS! Knowing that money won't get in the way of your family's health -possible saving them in a life or death situation- is deffinately a good thing :)

Pretty_reckless_fml 18

Monday 4 March 2013 0:34

*possibly

fishstick557 14

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:13

Sue him that isn't cool and it isn't right

SomeRandomGuy15 18

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:27

Why is it that every single FML seems to have at least one person suggesting a lawsuit? I'm not saying it isn't justified in some cases, but lawsuits don't magically solve everything.

Axel5238 29

Sunday 3 March 2013 2:44

Agreed, people are lawsuit happy, but this is one circumstance where it would be justified.

fishstick557 14

Sunday 3 March 2013 6:00

Okay just let some guys dad get away with breaking your shoulder it's totally fine dude

SillyGirl4602 23

Sunday 3 March 2013 8:29

26- I agree that people always say to sue someone. They usually tell the op to sue and it is for the most ridiculous reason. In this case, I think that if op sued then it would be justified.

exodeus 9

Tuesday 30 April 2013 13:59

Well, Americans are lawsuit happy I'd say. Still I know if it was me who was injured by this I would follow up with criminal charges, I wouldn't care it was my 'friend's' father.