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Social cues

By oblivious idiot - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 806

You deserved it 7 352

True faith

By csor027 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 919

You deserved it 4 706

Intricate design

By Anonymous - 24/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Rockford

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 109

Any advice?

By aw jeez - 24/06/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, we are on our honeymoon, at a beautiful resort, and my wife has been in bed crying for two days. She won't talk to me, and every time I come in, she sobs harder and starts hyperventilating. This can't be a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 91

Still on the hook

By Just too submissive - 24/06/2025 22:00 - Netherlands

Today, my ex said he was coming by to get some of his stuff, and that if I wanted to talk, I should be on my knees in my best lingerie. I was furious and wrote a text telling him how awful and misogynistic he was… then deleted it, put on my best lingerie, and am now waiting by the door on my knees for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 880

Routine

By RIP - 24/06/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, two years after marrying my fun, adventurous fiancée, she's turned into a whiny, nagging bore. Date nights are now "eat leftovers and watch reality TV nights" and sex is once a month, with her asking, "Are you about to finish? Are you almost done?" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 75

Modernish rejection

By Liarssuckk - 24/06/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, the girl who rejected me because she said she was a lesbian got Facebook official with another guy. I called her out on her lying and she replied, “Take it as a hint, now get out of my Messenger before I call the zookeeper.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 648

Trip of a lifetime

By Just got friendzoned - 24/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, on a vacation with my best friend who I’m secretly in love with, I was dressed to the nines, and felt confident and upbeat about myself. Not once has he made a move on me the entire time, not even in the hotel room we both shared. At the end of the trip he told me I’m “such a great friend.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 592

Admiral Ackbar didn't warn you?

By Anonymous - 23/06/2025 06:00 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was stalking my crush's sister's account and I checked her family highlight. Little did I know, she had my ass out for a treat. Tell me why I felt like those cartoon rats falling into those mouse trap. SHE HAD A HIGHLIGHT TRAP! My crush ended up texting me, "Are you stalking my sister?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 516

First impressions

By Jes_jes18 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 417

You deserved it 7 748

Stalkers gonna stalk

By Clive - 22/06/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally liked a photo from 2013 while stalking an ex’s Instagram. Not only did she see it, but I also followed their entire family’s pages in a panicked attempt to cover up. It didn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 585

Consistent

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 963

You deserved it 57 717

Brainrot

By Anonymous - 21/06/2025 12:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I called my new boyfriend by my ex’s name. Twice. In the same conversation. I’m having trouble saying anything while looking at him in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 445

Small talk

By Marina - 21/06/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, I was in bar and got talking to a guy next to me, who turned out to be American, which is quite exotic in my part of the UK. During the conversation, he mentioned being a vet, so I went on a long tangent about my cat's diarrhoea and asked him for advice. He let me babble on for ages before smiling and saying, "Not that kind of vet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 487

It's a surprise alright

By Taylor - 20/06/2025 12:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my best friend. I told her to “be home by 7 for a little surprise.” She got home at 6:55… with her new boyfriend. Surprise: he hadn’t been invited. Awkward family introductions followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 101

Naughty boy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have to wear glasses for the first time in my life and my husband won’t stop pestering me because I now look like a librarian, which gets his nerd engine revving like mad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m liking the affection, and who doesn’t want sex more often, but not 2-3 times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 123

Non-confrontational

By Anonymous - 19/06/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, I received a text breakup from my boyfriend while we were sitting right next to each other on the couch. He said, “This isn’t working,” and I had to ask, “Is this a joke? You’re literally here.” His phone was on silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 94

Flirtatious mood

By Anonymous - 18/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent a guy an up-skirt shot, trying to be cute and flirty. He responded with a series of increasingly more mean emojis, including the laughing eyes, the green nausea face, and finally the poop emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 229

She's lost control

By Anonymous - 18/06/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband proposed to his girlfriend, and that her mom had posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 78

Listening in

By Anonymous - 18/06/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, while having a romantic dinner at home with my date, my Alexa randomly asked, “Would you like to reorder adult diapers?” She then followed up with, “You last ordered them two months ago.” I don't have kids. I don't have grandparents. I don't have an explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 113

Red flag

By Anonymous - 17/06/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got turned down by a woman I like because she said a man in his mid 30’s who’s not already married with kids is a major red flag. I would very much like to be married with kids but it’s just never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 52

Depends how old you are

By SocialSuicide - 17/06/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, after I met a guy online and we'd became fast friends, talking every day about everything, things got flirty after half a year of talking. A year in, I finally got the time to meet up with him. It turns out he lied about his age. He's 8 years younger and in college. I fell head over heels. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 330

Small town

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took a date to a new restaurant I’d never been to before. Wish I had been because it turns out two of my ex-girlfriends work there as waitresses. Luckily they were amicable break-ups, but it was still hella awkward every time they brought stuff to the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 147

He has a type

By Anonymous - 15/06/2025 16:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I noticed my crush of almost 3 years was talking to me a lot more at school. He seemed genuinely comfortable around me, even playing with my rings during class. I thought maybe I had a chance. Nope. A mutual friend just told me he likes another girl. A girl who coincidentally looks just like me but skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 103

Priorities

By Anonymous - 15/06/2025 22:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I wanted to spend some time with my girl, but she was more interested in her phone and 90 Day Fiancé. Bored, I went to play video games. Ten minutes later, she came looking for me and yelled that I clearly prefer video games to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 83

Big Brother

By Maui_Diddy - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, an old fling said she regretted her previous choice and wanted to try again, so I happily accepted. She failed to tell me that her previous choice was crazy. Not only is he stalking her, but he's also stalking me, and sending her messages about who I'm with and what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 200

You deserved it 436

So, about that second date…

By Anonymous - 14/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, on a date, I told the guy I could swim. He suggested we race. I agreed to impress him. I jumped in, immediately panicked, inhaled water, and had to be helped out by a 10-year-old with floaties. He asked if I lied about anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 670

Love language

By gummy bear - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend, "Where art thou, my love?" via SMS. She replied, "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 652

You deserved it 31 258

That's nice

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 725

You deserved it 3 898

Happy pride month?

By CuckedByIncognito - 13/06/2025 05:00 - United States - Harker Heights

Today, I realized my husband’s true “ride or die” is his dick. He’s posted it online, cammed with strangers, and fantasized about men, while I raised our kids, did IVF alone, and stayed loyal through deployments. He says he loves me. I’m not the gender of his fantasies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 73

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The Top

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said, "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 620

You deserved it 5 533

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 216

You deserved it 4 037

The Top

Today, I went to work 8:30 am. Human stayed home. Got home at 5pm. Human is working on his music at home. It is 7:11 pm and Human is still on his computer working on the same song, on replay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 393

Today, I was taking a quiz online called "Do Your Friends Actually Like You?" I quit after two questions because I remembered I don't actually have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 772

You deserved it 2 016

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 086

You deserved it 6 607

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 443

You deserved it 508

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 586

You deserved it 3 178

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 638

You deserved it 29 615