Random FMLs

A lot to unpack here

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 22:00 - Germany

Today, my crazy cousin copies and buys whatever I buy. Like I bought an electric razor to shave my legs and privates, and she took a photo of it to buy the exact same one for herself for the same reason. In a hospital situation that required her to shave her privates, her husband did it for her as she doesn't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 01:52 - Canada

Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 7 057

Foxtrot Mike Lima

By Anonymous - 21/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went for an eye exam. The doctor asked me to read the chart on the wall and without even thinking about it, I started to call out the letters using the NATO phonetic alphabet. Nope, my time in the military has had absolutely no effect on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 206

By notsexy - 28/07/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 794

You deserved it 8 450

By why god - 25/11/2013 06:16 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 033

You deserved it 6 357

By anon - 20/07/2011 07:55 - Canada

Today, my neighbor finally cut the grass on his front lawn. At 2 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 992

You deserved it 3 352

Assumptions

By MommyIssues - 16/03/2022 07:00 - United States - Loveland

Today, my boyfriend said that the reason I crave affection so bad is because I’m an only child so I got “all my parents attention”. My mom worked nights my whole life and slept while I was home. I barely got 1-2 hours a week of her attention at the maximum and she usually used that time to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 133

By WastedTime - 07/08/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 828

You deserved it 5 733

By Anonymous - 10/06/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 330

You deserved it 50 322

Not that there's anything wrong with that

By notgay - 21/06/2015 06:04 - United States - Cranford

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 786

You deserved it 3 589

Playing favorites

By Anonymous - 18/02/2022 04:00

Today, I heard my daughter-in-law refer to her twin daughters, my precious twin grandbabies, as “the good one” and “the shit stain”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 193

Dude…

By 50sStyle - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 015

You deserved it 479

By filipkm - 06/05/2016 14:37 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 516

You deserved it 2 806

Thanks bossman

By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 16:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 707

You deserved it 3 927

By jessel_ladd92 - 09/09/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 649

You deserved it 5 841

By cheese123 - 03/01/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 298

You deserved it 3 221

By Unloved. - 15/09/2009 10:09 - New Zealand

Today, I had dinner with my family in celebration of my 19th Birthday. I've been hinting that I need a new laptop for months now and I was sure my family had bought me one. I have got a pair of slipper socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 080

You deserved it 9 751

Looking for love in Alderaan places

By not4geeks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 716

You deserved it 74 035

Emotional rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 02/10/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, my dad all but told me that he ignores me and my advice on purpose, just so he can yell at me for pestering him when I get annoyed, and being ignored really ticks me off. Then my mom, who is the more level-headed one, didn't even scold him for it. This is why I have acute self-esteem issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 218

RIP

By Anon - 11/09/2023 17:00 - New Zealand

Today, while on a nature hike with friends. I tried to take a selfie at the edge of a cliff with the majestic view as a backdrop, but I slipped and dropped my phone. It's now RIP (resting in pieces) at the bottom of a ravine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 1 139

What is happening right now?

By Kevin can't wait - 21/09/2024 12:00 - France - Brest

Today, I got a notification from a delivery carrier that my package had been delivered. I opened the door to find a perfectly wrapped box with no address, no label, and a note inside saying, "You’ll know when it’s time." I still don’t know what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 10/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Voorheesville

Today, my son's obsession with memes hit a new low when he got suspended from school for running into other students yelling, "Allahu akbar." He's 15 and doesn't understand why he got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 567

You deserved it 903

Sorority

By Taylor - 23/02/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, my sister and I had a bonding moment. It consisted of me plucking her chin hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 990

You deserved it 5 607

By Anonymous - 19/01/2013 00:26 - Iceland

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 15 612

By Anonymous - 30/05/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 003

You deserved it 3 688

Can't feel my tongue

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 17:01

Today, I was using the same metal spoon to stir boiling noodles and the pasta sauce I was heating up. I decided to taste the sauce and see if it was getting warm, forgetting that the spoon was sitting in boiling water three seconds earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 138

By It was the 11 year old - 21/07/2012 08:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 948

You deserved it 5 045

By Cpt_Concerned - 22/09/2009 04:37 - Canada

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 442

You deserved it 52 623

By Noname - 21/02/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 109

You deserved it 8 334

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 15:09 - United States - Beacon

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 089

You deserved it 7 046

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I caught my mom and her boyfriend fucking in their room at night, all because I wanted to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 392

Today, my financial situation is so bad that I had to surrender my beloved calico cat because I can’t take care of her. On top of that, my ex-wife found out and crucified me over it. I’ve been fucked up about it all day, and everything reminds me of my cat. Sorry, baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 179

Today, I woke up and realized I'd experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I'm a 24 year-old guy who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 443

You deserved it 3 121

Today, I think I've finally lost my girl. I think she stopped liking me a while ago, but I didn't ask because I was afraid of the answer. We haven't texted in almost two days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 438

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 982

You deserved it 83 990

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 375

You deserved it 66 289