My daughter's crying and my wife will be home any minute, I'm screwed! Quick, let me post this to FML!

Better than "but first let me take a selfie"

Hopefully he will follow up on this

and maybe his profile picture will be a selfie...

I rather my wife be a little angry with me than to "bribe" my kid with anything. That's how kids become brats and come into the "terrible twos." They just figure "Hey, if I cry then I get what I want."

I actually wasn't that bad when I was two. The worst I did was draw all over my legs with a permanent sharpie while wearing a "WARNING: I AM 2!" Shirt. On my second birthday no less. I also climbed on top of the fridge a lot. Now threes.... That's where it got scary. Because at that point I was even more mobile, knew more words and had a better understanding of sneaking around. I used to wake up before my parents and fed our dog a loaf of bread, stick of butter, jar of peanut butter and then smear the rest over the house to 'decorate it' (this was all on different days) and at one point I opened a red fingernail polish bottle and poured it our dogs back. My mom thought I stabbed her until she smelled the polish. I was a monster at 3.

You surely had a great childhood and I bet you were a funny kid..although..I'm not sure that your parents had too much time to rest back then :D

I think it was when I was 3 when I stabbed my sister in the forehead with a pencil. You can faintly see the dot even today..if you were a monster I was the anti-christ, lol.

@95 I was a lot worse when I was 15 because I lived with my mom (divorce) and at that point I was bigger and stronger than her so she couldn't really punish me for stuff. And before you ask, I paid for all my own electronics so she couldn't take those away so pain was the only option.

#116 your comment has nothing to do with this comment chain. everyone here is talking about toddler mishaps and you jump in with "I was a bratty fifteen year old blah blah blah" .

To me, the bigger question is... Why are you all scared of your wives?

Obviously you are not married...

Because ... ******.

That makes absolutely no sense.

@62: As a girl I also would like to know why you are scared of your wives. People make mistakes and little children sometimes cry. Men are not the subordinates of their wives who have to fear for their jobs when making a little mistake. If OP’s wife gets angry by the unfortunate outcome of some innocent form of playing with his little daughter he should re-think how his relationship works, and if he fears her reaction he needs some self-esteem because such fear makes me think he doesn’t see himself as an equal.

Can it be? A pro-man woman?!

I'm with 90 here and I don't think I'm alone. As a woman I don't see why you would want to be in a marriage like that, where someone is terrified of you.

I have gone to several weddings and at the reception it always "enjoy it now (groom) you will never have the upper hand again" "she will always be right and when she isn't let her think she is" IT'S ALL BULLSHIT! My husband and I usually give each other wtf looks like do people actually believe this? I believe I have an equal marriage we help each other to get to a common goal. Sometimes I clean more than him but he shovels and mows the lawn (when there is grass, anytime now spring you can do it! I believe in you) or takes in the trash bins. Why is marriage all about the women in control? Seems dumb.

It's about women in control because many years ago the worst among you learned that by deciding you no longer want us around you can have us forcibly removed from our homes, banned from seeing our children and forced to pay you half our wages as a stipend for the better part of two decades. And now most every woman I've ever met uses it as a threat in relationships, leaving their men with the perpetual nagging notion that one day they will be replaced on a whim and lose everything.

106, that sounds horribly abusive. I feel sorry for anyone male or female who has gone through that.

92, I'm sure she's rather pro-equality. There are lots of women who think men should not be cowed by women and in the same breath think women should also not be subjugated by a man.

Lol

90, I'm glad that there are more women out there that believe that men shouldn't fear their wives for such a minimal mistake as this.

I'm not understanding why anyone would marry someone who treats them like shit. Men and women both. We are equals. I would never want to control my husband because I'm not his mother nor do I want to feel like I am. Same with men who want to control their women like they're children. It's ******* weird.

#90 I... I'm shocked! O_O I've got nothin'.... I only wish I could thumb-up 20 more times...

If OP has a loving and caring wife he doesn’t need good luck. She would rather console her daughter than shout at her husband.

because he is married and made his daughter cry. its what happens.

Pretty sure they're asking why about lightly tapping her head with a balloon. To answer that question, probably because he was being playful, it wouldn't have meant anything except the balloon popped.

Because his wife probably won't be pleased with a busted balloon, a crying kid and probably an argument

So then the wife/mother thinks the dog attacked or at least scared her daughter? Perfect way for an innocent dog to get put down or sent to a shelter

Or just say the dog barked and it startled her.... Your choice

the SOUND of a dog's bark would be startling, just as the SOUND of a balloon popping. you're the only one who mentioned an attack. use your brain

#77 she is that's the scary part. That's how a lot of people think, dog made baby cry it must have mauled her!!!!! Instead of its a child and the dog licked her face or barked near her and made her cry. Over reaction and hypersensitivity is the way of the world :P

It's a pillow! It's a pet! It's a pillow pet!!!! *gets shot*

Let's not make the situation worse

Yeah, it was an innocent mistake. OP just explain what happened and I'm sure it will be funny later.