Kids: Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best... - FML

By spadesmollusques - 06/06/2016 05:13 - France - Strasbourg

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 071

You deserved it 1 359

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Same thing different taste

By Bad Mother - 08/10/2015 11:53 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 008

You deserved it 1 913

Freudian

By Riley99 - 31/08/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I was introducing my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. I meant to say, "Mom, Dad, this is Tom." Instead, I said, "Mom, Dad, this is Mom." My boyfriend is now jokingly reconsidering our relationship, and my parents won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 165

By our kids will be derps - 22/06/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 481

You deserved it 6 946

By notyouagain - 03/10/2010 07:40 - Australia

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 587

You deserved it 4 947

Fight Club

By Back to youtube - 23/10/2023 22:00

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 275

By Laurel - 25/05/2013 04:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 911

You deserved it 9 073

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 623

You deserved it 4 973

By hello to you too - 30/08/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 958

You deserved it 923

Armchair psychologist

By Mom - 27/11/2023 07:30

Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 1 195

By parent - 08/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 224

You deserved it 2 828

Next

Top comments

potatocouch 16

Monday 6 June 2016 15:59

Make sure to pass "Tom" the salt.

Welshite 39

Monday 6 June 2016 16:05

And the son becomes traumatized at the murder of his best friend. It's dinner AND a show!

Comments

jamieblue6 16

Monday 6 June 2016 15:58

At least he's making friends? Haha

potatocouch 16

Monday 6 June 2016 15:59

Make sure to pass "Tom" the salt.

Welshite 39

Monday 6 June 2016 16:05

And the son becomes traumatized at the murder of his best friend. It's dinner AND a show!

Andrewx8 12

Monday 13 June 2016 22:30

Does this "Tom" also live inside a upside-down saltshaker?

jadenjacksonm 14

Monday 6 June 2016 15:59

Friendship comes in many shapes and sizes.

rockeditionbarbi 14

Monday 6 June 2016 16:05

I hear slugs like lettuce. Bon apetit!

hardcorefan16 22

Monday 6 June 2016 16:05

Let him come over and enjoy dinner. Maybe some salt?

trucker2 33

Monday 6 June 2016 16:06

Well at least his new friend isn't a Leach

kowsee 22

Monday 6 June 2016 16:18

He's ten, be glad he wasnt coming home to tell you he's bringing over a pregnant gf... Yeh, i may have taken that a little too far. But at the end of the day, be glad he still has some childhood imagination :). Enjoy it while it lasts!

Mathalamus 24

Monday 6 June 2016 16:25

i hope that never, ever happens. even i have standards as to how "young" couples should be.

DrafteeSelf 24

Monday 6 June 2016 20:08

10 years old bringing a pregnant girlfriend? When i was ten, i still was playing Pokemon cards illegally at recess in my elementary school. Damn, wtf?

kowsee 22

Monday 6 June 2016 21:58

Holy overreaction, lol. People have been getting pregnant and having relationships at all ages forever. I said in my comment that I may have overdid it, calm yourselves. I was trying to look at the bright side. I have two boys myself, and i actually got a giggle out of the fml. But sure, please act like the world is exactly like you were as a kid... Like nobody is doing anything wrong at age 10...

gracehi 31

Monday 6 June 2016 16:46

Could be worse. He could have made friends with a centipede. You just can't trust those many-legged bastards.

geekpower_fml 28

Monday 6 June 2016 17:15

Next time he should befriend a snail... It could actually be dinner. (Seeing as this FML is French)

PeaceTurtle 17

Tuesday 7 June 2016 2:08

My family did that to my pet cow when I was 5. I've been a vegetarian ever since.

AcieMcG 21

Tuesday 7 June 2016 5:13

Awe, I was going to make a escargot comment lol

Mortimer14 9

Monday 6 June 2016 17:41

Have your son research his new best friend and write up a report explaining everything he found.

honestjane 22

Tuesday 7 June 2016 6:21

Way to suck the fun out of childhood.

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The Top

Today, I asked my mom if she'd seen my financial calculator on my way out to an exam. She told me she'd tossed it in the donation pile that she'd taken to the Salvation Army this morning because it was "clutter." I needed it to take an exam required to pass the class, to graduate next month. The only place to buy a replacement was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 228

Today, I got back from a six month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of three years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 789

You deserved it 6 438

The Top

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 171

You deserved it 3 941

Today, I was fired from my job for "lack of work". What that means is that my boss hired his good-for-nothing lazy son, who then got too big of a mortgage, and he had to let me go to pay him a higher salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 992

You deserved it 212

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 235

You deserved it 2 718

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 46

Today, I made it halfway through saying "Happy Father's Day" before he interrupted to send me to do an unimportant chore. When I finished, he’d opened the beer I'd bought him, despite it being 7:30am, but he was convinced it was a bribe because I wanted something from him. I don’t know why I bother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 104

Today, and for years, we've had an old rifle on the wall in my dad's office that his grandad brought back from WW2. Purely on a whim because I was bored I took it down, aimed it at random things making "bang bang" noises. It was still loaded and now my dad's university diploma has a big big hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 692