Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML - FML

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 2 643

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Same thing different taste

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 959

You deserved it 4 787

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 78

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 234

You deserved it 3 297

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 275

You deserved it 4 595

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 192

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 233

You deserved it 4 686

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 582

You deserved it 2 139

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 428

You deserved it 4 377

The fun never ends

By Yudith - 02/01/2023 03:00 - Canada

Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 134

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 832

You deserved it 296

Next

Top comments

Unenunciable 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:42

You should really go to the doctor to make sure it didn't lay any eggs in your ear canal!!

lex1459 38

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:31

Alright. Well. Safe to say I'll be sleeping with something covering my ears tonight.

Comments

lex1459 38

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:31

Alright. Well. Safe to say I'll be sleeping with something covering my ears tonight.

thawny_fml 21

Sunday 3 July 2016 20:22

This is both the shortest and yet most terrifying FML I have ever read.

Unenunciable 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:42

You should really go to the doctor to make sure it didn't lay any eggs in your ear canal!!

Nyattack 14

Monday 4 July 2016 0:56

I would never have thought of that... Very creepy yet plausible. Kudos to you for thinking about that possibility and warning the OP !

niftyismybitch 21

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:47

Better a cockroach than a ****..erel.

TheGamingGamer 28

Sunday 3 July 2016 12:17

Better get some Raid® and spray the **** outta them next time you see one. And sleep with headphones. Good music plus no cockroaches in your ear. Win-Win.

hellnosucka 27

Sunday 3 July 2016 13:02

that is the most horrifying thing I've ever read.

PapiiChuloo 4

Sunday 3 July 2016 13:10

I sleep with a stocking cap over my head so nothing like that ever happens

Nylectro 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 13:16

I woke up to a dead cockroach in my hair when I was 11. That's why I got a bunkbed yo

Bearsmomma 30

Sunday 3 July 2016 18:21

you know they climb or crawl, right?They can walk walls and even on Ceilings

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 4 July 2016 10:14

They can fly too, to an extent

hellobobismyname 24

Sunday 3 July 2016 13:26

I'd actually prefer that... You can easily wash out your mouth. It's gross but it's worse to have something alive crawling inside your ear that probably won't come out without force. You never know what it could be plotting. I never ever want to experience that. Yuck!

Elgrin 15

Sunday 3 July 2016 14:41

Was it whispering sweet nothings?

_EnderDoge 22

Sunday 3 July 2016 15:23

Guess you could call it an earroach.

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The Top

Today, I went into work. After three years of working 55 hours a week, they fired me by putting the contents of my locker at the front door, with a note that said "If not picked up by 10:00 am stuff will be donated." I work the night shift. I just lost three sweaters, two pairs of shoes, $60, and my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 545

You deserved it 2 738

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 840

You deserved it 17 114

The Top

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 3 034

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 383

You deserved it 6 389

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 836

You deserved it 4 971

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 665

You deserved it 2 955

Today, after having a few beers at a bar, I gave my ticket to the valet to get my car. I tipped the man $2 and he gave me a huge smile and thanked me a lot as I left. I thought the guy was just really appreciative for those $2 until I got home and saw one of the $100 bills in my wallet was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 478

You deserved it 57 793

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177 051

You deserved it 27 239