Money: Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist....

By waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/01/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 8 394

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Same thing different taste

By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 3 634

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 980

By mareecasellafml - 27/03/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 431

You deserved it 4 248

By captainfail - 14/07/2009 15:27 - Germany

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 627

You deserved it 74 999

By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/08/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 378

You deserved it 16 213

By fuck you, tasha - 24/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 8 642

By larsn - 03/06/2016 20:32 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 893

You deserved it 20 214

By jellymoon14 - 28/07/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 866

You deserved it 4 052

By fuckel4 - 01/07/2016 20:12 - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 527

You deserved it 5 330

By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 354

You deserved it 52 243

DrewKolar 0

Monday 16 February 2009 11:25

The good news is that on Craigslist, that may actually get you some attention...

0___0 9

Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:38

you may get a job as a cocksucker :O

Comments

teethingtom 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 3:00

You sure he wasn't helping get a normal office job?

Spillinthembeans 0

Friday 6 February 2009 3:04

Well played sir, well played.

MCart_fml 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 1:12

Bad breakup eh? I reserve my vote on whether it's your fault or not until I know if you cheated on your ex.

omg123 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 19:18

It is a good thing you are not with such a lowlife anymore.

DrewKolar 0

Monday 16 February 2009 11:25

The good news is that on Craigslist, that may actually get you some attention...

thewelshmetal 0

Monday 16 February 2009 20:52

so, any offers?

nhomerding 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 8:53

deserved. I'm sure whatever you did to him was way worse!

genericnickname 0

Friday 27 February 2009 21:13

I think they're here for suggestions, #6. If it's not already too late, might I recommend immolation?

i_am_tiff_21 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 3:37

hahahahaha! At least you're trying.

FlickMyBean 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 3:41

Amazing. I hope you get a call.

Keywords

Love My ex Awkward Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Parenting Kids Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird

The Top

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 832

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 675

You deserved it 52 051

The Top

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 924

You deserved it 3 016

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 708

You deserved it 6 024

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 070

You deserved it 17 140

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 774

You deserved it 3 569

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 586

You deserved it 3 053

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 832

You deserved it 6 995

Same thing different taste

Slipped up

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