Venasaysdie

About Venasaysdie

18, Female, psych, anth, socio & stat undergrad, victoria university.

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Venasaysdie's favorite FMLs

By Nikki - 05/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 793

You deserved it 67 510

By wordmalfunction - 25/05/2009 21:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 122

You deserved it 44 800

It's not what you think…

By sucks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 932

You deserved it 158 996

By FML.. - 06/04/2009 19:51 - China

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 485

By creepermagnet - 06/04/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 399 832

You deserved it 46 094

creepermagnet tells us more.

creepermagnet 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 2:44

Let me tell you the rest of the story: this actually happened a couple months ago, but I just discovered this site. First off, there was NO second date. My God. Right after he said that, I told him I wanted to go home (he had driven, and I didn't have a car or any way to get home). He then asked if I wanted to go to the woods so he could "do things to me." I told him no, going home would be fine. He took me home and I called him and told him I never wanted to see him again. For half an hour, he tried to convince me to see him again, but I eventually just hung up. For a month or so he called me every day but I didn't answer. Finally, I grew tired of this and I answered the phone. I told him he was really scaring me and he needed to stop trying to contact me. He told me, "I was falling in love with you but they all laughed at me!" (Mind you, I do not know who "they" are. Nor do I wish to know). I told him I was very sorry, but he had to stop calling me or I would contact the police. He then said to me, "Where is the darkness??? Why do you paint me as a demon when I just want to show you the light???" I haven't spoken to him since.