Iceskimo

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50 favorites

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You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

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Iceskimo's favorite FMLs

First!

By marryinghimanyway - 29/08/2013 02:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 109

You deserved it 2 940

By interphaseprophasemetaphase - 04/09/2013 11:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 522

You deserved it 11 934

By Palindromesque - 04/09/2013 09:07 - United States - Seattle

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 907

You deserved it 4 243

Palindromesque tells us more.

Palindromesque 21

Thursday 5 September 2013 12:28

Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously! To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them. We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises. Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.

By ven980 - 04/09/2013 07:00 - United States - Muskogee

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched a convenience store clerk in the face for running out of Cheetos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 481

You deserved it 3 776

ven980 tells us more.

ven980 10

Wednesday 4 September 2013 19:48

Hey OP here. I just wanted to add a little detail to this story. My brother had just come from a bachelor party and was very drunk so he called me for a ride. He punched the clerk because he was rude to us and yes I did leave him there overnight

**** off!

By my back hurts - 04/09/2013 05:25 - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 629

You deserved it 7 436