Cats and Animals: Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle,...

By JackNicholsonInChinatown - 25/10/2016 02:58

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 550

You deserved it 891

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Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

Cat mojo

By Oww - 09/08/2022 00:00

Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 165

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 635

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 189

You deserved it 1 577

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 927

You deserved it 4 622

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 117

By animal lover... - 05/10/2013 22:34

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 895

You deserved it 4 041

Cujo, but for cats

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 08:01

Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 301

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 150

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 107

You deserved it 4 973

Part of the furniture

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 831

You deserved it 1 374

Welshite 39

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:02

He was just practicing his piercings for his future career at Kitty Tat Parlor. You should be grateful you have such an entrepreneurial feline.

Tripartita 44

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:26

"Wait, is this NOT your tongue? I've heard I'm supposed to get your tongue…"

Comments

Welshite 39

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:02

He was just practicing his piercings for his future career at Kitty Tat Parlor. You should be grateful you have such an entrepreneurial feline.

Tamandua 19

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:09

What's the matter? Cat got you ton- Oh, wait. Scratch that.

bubblemania 16

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:10

He was just trying to trim your nose hairs. Your fault for letting them get so long

WCARlover 34

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:22

Free nose piercing! You should be thanking him!

FalloutScrolls 25

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:25

Be sure to thoroughly document your Cat Scratch Fever. You know... for science.

Tripartita 44

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:26

"Wait, is this NOT your tongue? I've heard I'm supposed to get your tongue…"

Kitty_Kat44 31

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:27

And this is why no matter how much I love my cat I don't let him sleep in my room at night. Not fun to wake up to a cat scratch.

rodrigun449 16

Sunday 6 November 2016 5:31

Most people get hooked on pussy with their tongue...

Tripartita 44

Sunday 6 November 2016 6:06

If you read this comment again very slowly with the knowledge that "pussy" is both a word for "cat" AND "******", you'll notice this shared synonym is exploited for humorous purposes. It's really quite original and not at all BLUGGGHHH.