Animals: Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while... - FML

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 589

You deserved it 1 484

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Same thing different taste

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 436

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 637

By crazycat - 13/05/2011 16:23 - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 626

You deserved it 5 850

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 100

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 884

You deserved it 5 982

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 190

You deserved it 1 577

'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down…

By Anonymous - 14/06/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, I tripped on my coffee table and fell face first into my cat's litter box. To make it even worse, my cat was in there doing his business and, pun not intended, I scared the shit out of him. He ran away terrified, then I tripped over HIM while I was going to take a shower. Today is not my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 284

You deserved it 19 005

Stuck in the middle

By Mark - 20/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 697

You deserved it 569

Showtime

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 308

Next

Top comments

allykaymorris 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:21

I imagine he'll butt out of your personal space more quickly, from now on.

chirstinap325 23

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:25

If he wasn't conspiring anything against you before, he probably wouldn't now either I imagine.

Comments

One_In_Three 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:21

Now that you've made him your bitch he should no longer be a problem.

AzariusStar01 26

Friday 11 November 2016 5:28

The rat profile picture makes that comment ironically funny

allykaymorris 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:21

I imagine he'll butt out of your personal space more quickly, from now on.

chirstinap325 23

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:25

If he wasn't conspiring anything against you before, he probably wouldn't now either I imagine.

HarleyBlues 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:34

come here boy, you gonna learn today

coolmike699 26

Thursday 10 November 2016 17:17

Today, I was standing on a table minding my own business, when my pet human stuck its finger up my butt. FML

BestOrginalName 22

Thursday 10 November 2016 21:07

Straight to the point. I like it.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:08

Was his prostate ok?

Arashikage 18

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:22

Just call it a surprise prostate exam

GlennGuagmire 20

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:32

Try smelling ur finger now.

Kira1965 23

Saturday 12 November 2016 10:40

Am I the only one that laughed when I read this comment?

JamieLuv2u 11

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:43

Sorry if this is tmi. Cats have 2 sphincters in there anus in particular to prevent over anxious male cats from missing the goal and damaging the poop chute. Forcefully doing that can cause all kinds of problems for your cat. She could be in pain every time she tries to poop now. Maybe a quick vet check? JIC? Poor kitty!

dblogic 19

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:56

I think it's more like **** your cat's life!

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The Top

Today, the man I've liked for so long asked me out on a date. Three years ago I fell for him and he denied me unless I "lost 100lbs” Now I've lost about 85lbs (not because of him, but for myself) and he wants to give me the time of day. I still like him, but I feel like I have to watch my weight to keep him if I say “Yes.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 375

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, with whom I've been with for four years. I've been in Australia for the last two months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 965

You deserved it 262

The Top

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by, "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. Then we continued to chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 499

You deserved it 7 622

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 941

You deserved it 3 749

Today, it is the one-year anniversary of my mother's death. It's also the day my father chose to announce his engagement, to the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 355

You deserved it 2 761

Today, I was pulled over and given a ticket for a broken tail light. On the way to the mechanic. To get my tail light fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 181

Today, I learnt my boyfriend has just been using me for character development for the last 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 146

Today, I walked into work on time, went into my office, sat down and turned on the computer. After working for about 4 hours, my wife called and told me to look at the clock on my computer. I put it off until after lunch, when I realized today is Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 1 342