Kids, Family and Health: It burns

It burns

By WTF - 16/03/2011 22:05

Today, after my 22-year-old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 519

You deserved it 12 552

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Same thing different taste

By redeye - 19/09/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 670

You deserved it 2 458

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 22:32 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 613

You deserved it 2 998

By afather - 14/06/2015 13:41 - United States - Worthing

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 391

You deserved it 6 525

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 478

You deserved it 2 625

By Anonymous - 27/04/2019 04:00

Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 384

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 254

You deserved it 4 818

By anon - 20/06/2014 05:06 - United States - Kennett

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 335

You deserved it 24 731

By badmom - 25/02/2012 11:25 - Ireland

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 101

You deserved it 8 661

Big brained

By TiredTeacher95 - 22/01/2022 19:59

Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Racine

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 011

You deserved it 5 172

perdix 29

Thursday 17 March 2011 8:16

I hope you did the Pee Wee Herman Tequila dance in the ER waiting room. That woulda showed him.

truehitman2010 0

Thursday 17 March 2011 8:31

idiot everyone knows your suppost to use vodka

Comments

Daisy_D 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 9:56

Omg so funny he sounds like a winner for sure

cod3rEd 2

Saturday 19 March 2011 20:36

"I raised this moron" exactly. ydi ... old ***** may not be appropriate but you're still an old *****

lizzie1441 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 17:31

ur a dumbass fag. stfu

Pendoom 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 18:18

He had to of gotten this from manswers. :D

5t3ff1k4h 44

Monday 21 March 2011 3:53

He had to have* seen this on Manswers. You're welcome.

scenequeen101 0

Monday 21 March 2011 7:10

haha DUMB ASS!!!!

PollyluvsTigger 2

Monday 21 March 2011 11:25

cheer up buttercup, they're having a joke!

ohyeahParis_fml 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 21:34

doesnt water come out of the kitchen sink?? i see how you raised this moron!!!

jazziness 12

Saturday 30 April 2011 22:05

sounds like my brother

eradonnes 0

Monday 2 May 2011 3:15

woooooo TEQUILA!!! *hicccup ahh shit how'd i end up in mexico...AMAAAAA!!!

czalc 0

Sunday 21 August 2011 7:29

What a waste of tequila! This guy is a moron!

rapunzellouise 11

Sunday 2 October 2011 8:35

Did this really happen?? Omg! Hahahahaha

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 5 102

Today, I got super psyched up about a landscaping project my wife denied last year that she's finally game for, which will both fix a water leak into the house, and make our backyard look amazing. I took a week of PTO, then 20 minutes later my wife called to tell me a tree in our back yard fell over. We're also probably getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 62

The Top

Today, I finally found out why I got a D in a class last semester. It was a heavily attendance-based class, and apparently he only marked you present if you participated in class discussion. It was a 100-seat lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 867

You deserved it 328

Today, after I studied a lot of my time away and taking part in a test, my two friends got good grades, even though they didn't even study as much. Most of the time they did a lot of other stuff, and I don't know why my score isn't as good, and I'm not satisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 379

Today, my manager called me to demand I come in to fix his computer, unpaid of course, since I have no overtime rate, then threatened to fire me when I said, "No chance." I’m 1000 miles away on my honeymoon and he knows this, since he granted my holiday request and congratulated me on the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 70

Today, I'm a hoarder, and my boyfriend has had enough. He asked if I wanted to save an empty orange juice jug. I know this is the end of our relationship and end of my life. I'm sorting through all my stuff and deciding what to throw away and what to give away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 883

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 676

You deserved it 4 174

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 937

You deserved it 21 115

It burns

Same thing different taste

Big brained

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