Me at lunchtime By Lewis - 12/12/2018 00:30 Why have I to be polite? I agree, your life sucks 262 You deserved it 63 Share Tweet Share
Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML I agree, your life sucks 36 121 You deserved it 16 832
Today, I was in an online meeting when my cat decided to say hello. To do this, he walked in front of my screen, completely obscuring it in his fur. He then logged me out of the meeting by walking across the keyboard. Three times. Every time I tried to pick him up to make him stop, he got upset and attacked me. FML I agree, your life sucks 213 You deserved it 390
Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML I agree, your life sucks 45 327 You deserved it 3 367
Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML I agree, your life sucks 721 You deserved it 177
Today, my 3-year-old daughter put her grow-in-water salamander in my fish tank. The residue from the toy gummed up the filter and killed all the fish. FML I agree, your life sucks 2 511 You deserved it 345
Today, I was mortified when I went to the doctor for what I thought was an allergic reaction rash and turned out to just be a bad carpet burn from rough sex, on my back and my ass cheeks. The doctor was visibly trying not to laugh. FML I agree, your life sucks 138 You deserved it 377
Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 27 477 You deserved it 2 221
Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML I agree, your life sucks 31 990 You deserved it 3 894