Intimacy, Embarrassing, Parents and Sextoys: Old prude - FML

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 263

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 701

You deserved it 15 192

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 274

You deserved it 2 444

By tracy4191 - 18/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 539

You deserved it 723

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 975

You deserved it 53 787

Sharing is caring

By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Spicy

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 160

You deserved it 564

By RubyRed213 - 30/05/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 314

You deserved it 421

By Nicoleanne - 20/11/2016 14:08

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 484

You deserved it 13 256

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 446

You deserved it 42 532

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 363

You deserved it 1 653

Judgmental much!?

By Stairway2Heaven - 02/03/2009 21:03 - Canada

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 651

You deserved it 19 443

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 25 September 2023 22:37

Ha! Your mom is the dumb one. If your DIY ***** was any good, you wouldn't need to find any human dicks. Logic!

ODBeefalo 10

Tuesday 26 September 2023 10:25

if that IS what you choose to do... enjoy, and invest in good condoms. people are gross these days and you don't want what people are carrying.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 25 September 2023 22:37

Ha! Your mom is the dumb one. If your DIY ***** was any good, you wouldn't need to find any human dicks. Logic!

Gubbon 17

Tuesday 26 September 2023 8:36

So I guess it wasn't.

ODBeefalo 10

Tuesday 26 September 2023 10:25

if that IS what you choose to do... enjoy, and invest in good condoms. people are gross these days and you don't want what people are carrying.

Wadlaen 23

Tuesday 26 September 2023 23:06

I thought that kind of equipment meant you didn't need any partner, at all, so actually "will only **** herself every night"...

D J's MOM 17

Wednesday 27 September 2023 12:44

hey, at least you keep it clean.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got home from working overnight and let the 2 dogs out of their crates. The oldest one (almost 9 years-old) was acting weird. He was shaking and couldn't stand up, let alone sit. I thought something was incredibly wrong. Nope, he just had gotten hold of 10 of my "treats" when my SO wasn't looking. Dude was high all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 530

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 875

You deserved it 23 116

The Top

Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 559

You deserved it 917

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 232

You deserved it 3 276

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 465

You deserved it 3 084

Today, my left-handed boss needed PC help. I said "right-click for the menu." She said nothing happened. Three times we went through this. Eventually I went over, asking her to show me what she did. She was using her right hand on the left mouse button. She earns £10,000 more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 085

You deserved it 3 516

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 940

You deserved it 13 299

Today, my boyfriend admitted to purposely sabotaging all my weight loss efforts. When I confronted him, he said it’s because he doesn’t want me to get thin and turn into one of those stuck up, snobby, mean girl types that wouldn’t date him in high school. We’re in our 30s dude, get over it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 136