By Mel - 07/05/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks 41 962
You deserved it 12 960
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Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

No, **** you. Those jokes are neither clever nor funny. Eat a bowl of dicks.

180 53
DocBastard 38

The big question here is why is your anus so ******* weak? Maybe you should have gone with the small Anal Intruder 3000 rather than the Every1luvsboners Grande size.

93 12

Comments

DivineGarden 0

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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269 95
allmidnighteyes 10

No, **** you. Those jokes are neither clever nor funny. Eat a bowl of dicks.

180 53
jennifer93 0

wow #4, tell us how you really feel. but I agree, these comments are very unoriginal

38 7
urdirtyolduncle 15

I guess OP's saving money by trying to put out the fire with his crap instead of water or a fire extinguisher.

13 66
rocketeer_97 1

1- like #4 said: they arent funny anymore. people have over used the pun. so dont do it either.

17 5
netherflame 0

It's time I introduce to you: The diaper. Shit your pants as much as YOU ******* want. It doesn't matter! : D

27 7
TheWindowLicker 13

Yea.... the joke is wayyyy too overused..... but I think #4 over reacted just a bit.

30 7
allmidnighteyes 10

Overreact? Noooo, I've never overreacted once. Ever. If you honestly believe those jokes are clever, you'd lead a happier (and thankfully shorter), more fulfilling life playing on the autobahn. Simple solutions to simple problems.

25 28
FuniiBunii 0

I don't think #4 overeacted I agree with her. These jokes are so annoying , people should get the hint that they are not funny.

6 8
DivineGarden 0

The joke wasn't meant to be funny, It was to see how annoyed you dickheads would get after a little while. :)

45 11
instnt1nfction 17

we're dickheads? look at your photo and say that again..

23 8
ShreddedPecker 2

What is funny is how often the words "shit", "bitch", "bastard", "*****" and "New Jersey" end up in the same FML posts.

28 2
PurpleRae420 0

lol I'm sorry that happened to you next time check to make sure everything is ok or sleep with music in your ears so you'll wake up to music! I hope that won't scare you

3 11
baby_gore 0

I think that's a dude...

8 4
elmogoezRAWR 0

-puts glasses on- YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

5 10
malpalll 0

if I had a ******* dollar for every time I saw this comment on a poop FML...

7 5
KiddNYC1O 20

Hey, AME, tell it to the eight plus 10 year-olds who voted their comment up! I agree with you, though. You really need to dig deep in the Earth's core for a good pun nowadays, IMO anyways. #57, see #65

8 3
Pownzeez 0

fire in the hole!!!!

3 1
skaterpaige 3

how did i know someone was gonna post this ;)

4 3
Screwie 25

Now we are all we aware what the alarm was trying to tell us.

1 9
yaer 4

comment 114 did the exact same joke as 1! come on people let's hang her down in the marketplace!

1 3
TropicalTulipz 0

4- is way too funny!

0 4
daywalker26 0

I'm sure # 4 uses epic and viral. those are completely underrated n under used.

0 2
nalia18 8

is it bad to say they are funny in a stupid way?

1 2
KJLD5 0

look at YOUR photo, and call yourself a ********. easier?

1 3
AgeOfAquariusss 7

Hey, OP, nothing to feel bad about! Be glad your sympathetic nervous system is working well :D

2 1
MfailK 0

#63 you dumb piece of shit, basterd son of a bitch your mother is a *****!!! greetings from New Jersey

18 2
uncbballwins 0

4- I concur

0 0
Blueglasscup 18

Lol 26 I thought you were 1 because your DPs are kinda similar.

0 1
slantyshanty 7

why do my comments always get a horribly large number of thumbs down?! I just don't get it!

2 22
yaer 4

163 in fact sympathetic does the exact opposite...

0 3
AnotherRandomPer 0

Ohhhh I get it, shitty because he shit himself and situation because he's from New Jersey

3 3
Tcaret300 12

**** YEAH HOLLYWOOD UNDEQD love u bro lmao

0 3
FarSide 22

@168: And I left out misspellings. Thanks for reminding me in your post!

0 1
FarSide 22

What's the finest thing to ever come out of New Jersey? I-95.

1 1
LairaIsKindaCool 6

81 - if u had a dollar everytime what ? cmon the suspense is killing me ! ;P

1 1
snicker476 0

by winning????

0 1
malpalll 0

LOL I'd have AT LEAST $75 :)

0 1
josejg 0

haha I get it now to thanks for explaining :D

0 1
sabiancymbol 1

it's called a joke. if you really think the joke is stale and unoriginal, don't react at all and show that you indeed have superior knowledge by ignoring it.

1 1
v1kt4r 13

What happened to all the FML ppl who know how allmidnighteyes rolls???

0 1
deathcoreislife 0

#4 do u always take pictures with your glow in the dark ******?

0 1
Milly143 3

4- Lmao I couldn't help but laugh at that! xD

0 1
KingGeorgeGal 12

I knew someone was going to post something like this when I read the fml, but seriously number 4 he was just trying to joke around take a ******* chill pill. What is the big deal? I bet it made some people laugh.

0 1
unknownfork 12

Lol eat a bowl of dicks

0 1
james_aka_frosty 3

shat is the best word known to man (no pun intended(honestly))

7 35
DudeImBetter 0

I love when people don't know what certain literary terms mean, like the people who think that everything funny is ironic.

11 3
KiddNYC1O 20

28- That's exactly what I'm thinking.

3 3
ifbrockd 0

maybe he/she is still ******** them self's???

2 4
bengermin 5

diapers, people... they'd fix all these I shit/pissed/jizzed myself posts...

4 1
HeavyMetalViking 0

20, 'shat' is the short form of ass-hat, and that'll be you.

4 2
blakesaurus 0

or just people who don't know how to use regular words, like all those folks who mix up random and spontaneous.

0 4
JManHobbs 0

Guess he just wanted to be sure everyone knew there wasn't a pun and that this was intended.

1 1
CateXOX 0

I think the real FML here is that your fire alarm went off, indicating that you probably had a fire. I woul rather shit myself than burn in my house.

9 1
HeavyMetalViking 0

The real thing to 'wow' about is not having anything funny/useful to say about this FML.

3 5
KatrinaKitten 16

Why is everyone so mean on here? It's just a comment. Let it be...

2 4
HeavyMetalViking 0

172, this is FML, deal with it or go to a less harsh website. kthx.

2 5
KatrinaKitten 16

Exactly! But I feel sorry for her :(

0 6
HeavyMetalViking 0

Everyone gets their 'thumbs down days' every now and then. It's part of FML.

4 6
_Itz_Meena_ 0

I said "wow" because I've never heard of anything like this happening before. also, not every comment on this site will be funny or useful. get over it.

2 2
tjsomethin 9

At least it was your alarm at your home not at someone else's?

25 5
bls5301 2

Now that would have been something to post about... "Today my friends fire alarm went off and it made me shit my pants. FML". I dont see what the big deal is here, I shit myself, oh well i'll just change...

3 3
DocBastard 38

The big question here is why is your anus so ******* weak? Maybe you should have gone with the small Anal Intruder 3000 rather than the Every1luvsboners Grande size.

93 12
guitarman1998 0

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha WIN!

5 26
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

Doc! It seems like you haven't been around in forever.

12 1
seanders 10

Doc, Boners: if you guys ever leave this website wouldn't be worth visiting:)

16 1
DocBastard 38

PrettyPink- that sort of thing happens with a newborn in the house. Bastard Jr. > FML

30 2
every1luvsvag 10

I went with the Sphincter Smasher 9000 XXL. Best purchase I have ever made. It took a while to work myself up.

6 19
jquibell 2

question is why do you know so much about the anal intruder...

7 9
fatgirllovesfml 0

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha I shat my self laughing!!!

3 6
H3NKE 0

where did you guys get yours at all I could find at walmart was the anal annihilator and for me it's like throwing a hot dog down a hall way

12 3
dakins 0

it disturbs me more that u no this than the frightened fire alarm guy

1 4
FMLFTW22 0

lol i like how u would know the sizes off the top of your head....

2 1
Perdition 4

Dear Doc, You kick ass. signed, me

6 2
TookaWooka666 0

Or he could of just gone with some Huggies adult size lol.

1 2
footballtracksta 0

damn you actually shit yourself? must've been pretty bad...

8 2
OhSoBueno 0

hehe that's like a bit of a pun

0 0
kaykay17 0

haha ohhh my... people crack me up

2 0
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1

haha my friend says that ALL the time :)

0 0
SwaggerMelon 6

I don't GAF.

2 0
AnagenisisZagus 13

A pun? You don't say! You have to be shittin' me, buddy!

0 0
jennifer93 0

but at least you weren't caught in a housefire!

9 2
yaer 4

too bad! running out of his house with shit in his pants would've been hilarious... for us

0 1
bonezisme 0

we could have a mess on our hands boys

2 6
Livinia 11

That's a pretty weak ass you've got there...

13 3