Sextoys, Toys and Miscellaneous: Toys R Us

Toys R Us

By J…… - 07/02/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 227

You deserved it 6 963

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Same thing different taste

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By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 161

You deserved it 564

Ask first, snoop later

By Jenna Berreth - 07/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 3 123

By bottomdrawerraider - 17/11/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 050

You deserved it 12 197

Online shopping

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 02:04 - Australia

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo, a jockstrap, and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 1 464

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 275

You deserved it 2 444

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 365

You deserved it 1 653

By Lois - 09/02/2013 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 750

You deserved it 5 947

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 702

You deserved it 15 193

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 976

You deserved it 53 790

By Florida_1827 - 28/01/2011 10:54 - United States

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 858

You deserved it 4 522

xNephilim 18

Monday 27 September 2010 23:13

Sigh... This is just stupid. You're using slang yourself. The last time I checked, 'fucktard' was no real word.

meganl_fml 0

Monday 9 February 2009 2:53

ugh one time i was looking for a pic to upload of me and found one of my mom and her toys i was scared for a long time after that

Comments

Softballsam11 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 3:39

Haha this is halarious.

_Meghan_ 5

Monday 25 April 2011 3:38

29- Agreed.

Crncj 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:29

why doesn't your comment have more thumbs ups'

DrumMajor 5

Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:10

Did you create that account just for that comment?

Neonnight 0

Friday 14 October 2011 3:23

Lol that's so funny

lex1459 38

Saturday 10 December 2011 1:17

It's not snooping, she knew where it was and it's her property!

username600 2

Friday 6 January 2012 16:10

WTF

captainburke 5

Saturday 4 August 2012 3:04

That shit sucks

Lmaster1234 5

Thursday 6 December 2012 22:58

Thats reDICKoulus

CookieLovesBoo 16

Wednesday 6 March 2013 2:22

Put it on your head and yell out I'm a unicorn !

Keywords

Awkward Work Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Fish Camping Food Health Holidays Vegan Ableism Gamers Love Video games Geek Parents Relatable Painful Annoying Customers Tattoos Mental health Accident Bikes Transportation Motorbike Art Concert Money Family

The Top

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 319

You deserved it 30 336

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the OC Fair. He was taking a picture of me in front of a giant mechanical butterfly at the insect exhibit. Playfully, he told me to pretend to be a butterfly, so I quickly lifted my arms, just in time to slap a 7 year-old girl in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 751

You deserved it 6 016

The Top

Today, I told my mom I wanted to see a doctor, because I feel like I’m slipping into depression. I told her I was so sad, I didn’t shower for 4 days. Her response? “I don’t believe that. You’ve always had great hygiene!” Duh, I’m not myself lately! Thanks for noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 125

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 337

You deserved it 8 683

Today, I'm not going to our family Christmas party due to events last year that caused me to cut off contact with one of my sisters. My entire family is now making me out to be the villain to my 8 year-old, and trying to manipulate my decision with guilt trips. They have reduced me to tears 12 days in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 139

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of their features, so I asked which one. I was told Homer because we "both could use Weight Watchers and an education." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 491

You deserved it 4 366

Today, I texted my boss, "I'm looking forward to doing you" instead of, "I'm looking forward to seeing you" thanks to a very unfortunate combination of my atrocious typing skills on a smartphone and an overzealous autocorrect function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 430

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 69