Health: Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of...

By Oh-Shit! - 10/08/2013 15:23 - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 205

You deserved it 5 490

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Same thing different taste

Freakout

By Brie - 29/05/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 999

You deserved it 11 772

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 409

Pirate move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 718

You deserved it 26 833

Looks like we made it… Oh.

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 198

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

Leaking

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our local supermarket. Ten feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants' legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new supermarket, maybe a new town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 629

You deserved it 3 631

Let it all out

By HateCelebz - 26/08/2023 00:02

Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. i swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 214

In space no one can hear you fart

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Claymont

Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 620

Toxic waste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 06:00 - Europe

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 441

By VMV - 01/02/2013 23:53 - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 173

You deserved it 9 429

Wizardo 33

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:34

The wording of this FML is as poetic as a mushroom cloud of faecal matter being emitted from thy anus OP, well done I approve.

buckerado 19

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:31

Imagine the look on their faces as a brown cloud appeared...

Comments

WompWompWomp123 7

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:30

holy shit, that sucks!

TheCanucklehead 22

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:34

No. I thought it was a good think he took this massive dump in front of the kayakers

TheCanucklehead 22

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:36

I can also imagine Kanye West stopping op and saying, "imma let you finish in a minute, but Kim had the greatest shit of all time"

The_Water_Ninja 9

Saturday 10 August 2013 23:14

@TheCanucklehead, you sir, have made my afternoon. haven't laughedd that good in a while

SwaggCapone 11

Sunday 11 August 2013 4:18

1....there's a button for that

Neptuneflyer 4

Monday 12 August 2013 0:51

Come on guys it was a shit pun.

Fedezzer 20

Monday 12 August 2013 8:29

I think "that blows" would've been more appropriate in this situation.

mrobdagod 9

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:30

Imagine what they were thinking

Krystal3408 32

Saturday 10 August 2013 20:27

They were horrified

NoMore_CoolNames 14

Saturday 10 August 2013 21:09

"I have never seen shit fly that fast"

ForwardUn2Dawn 18

Saturday 10 August 2013 22:01

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit paddle fast.

lonewolf621 17

Sunday 11 August 2013 5:58

Fire in the hole!

ohSNAPyall 26

Sunday 11 August 2013 8:51

Why did you bring me to Shit Creek??

andits 21

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:31

That really stinks.....

assassinbanana0 20

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:47

So does your pun

venom2421 10

Saturday 10 August 2013 20:06

That was a pun? I thought that was just them being stupid and not being able to find the button that says that. Why can no one ever find it?!

caohm 18

Saturday 10 August 2013 20:25

fml broadcast here viewing one he'll comment today. #2 in complete desperation to be witty but also get the comment in before others MUST hit this comment out the park. *#2 looks nervous* it doesn't look she can think of anything so......oh no....... she goes for the oldest shit joke in the book this can't end well. let's see what happens. *she types the joke, she closes her eyes and wildly swings! ........oh nothing but air. it shame to see. tune in next on FML broadcast

caohm 18

Saturday 10 August 2013 20:27

I mean #3 Damn now our ratings will go down! what is this amateur hour?!

ApollosMyth 22

Sunday 11 August 2013 2:00

No 44, I usually find amateur hour to be funny. This was not.

buckerado 19

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:31

Imagine the look on their faces as a brown cloud appeared...

buckerado 19

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:35

Edit: I'm sure they understood that that was an uncontrollable act after the fact. Keep swimming OP, it'll come off after a few laps.

DocBastard 38

Saturday 10 August 2013 19:33

We're you AT the lake or IN the lake? Either way, I expect there was a shitstorm of yelling from the kayakers after your personal shitstorm.

Mossears133 15

Saturday 10 August 2013 20:28

I was thinking the same thing. It's one thing to be in the water and just quietly swim far away from the brown cloud of death, but it's a whole other thing to make eye contact whilst squatting and, erm, evacuating.